I used to be one to jump into the fray. Call it the temperance that comes with old age, call it wisdom, call it the Holy Spirit providing me with greater discernment and a greater desire to handle things with love --whatever-- but jumping, into frays, to conclusions, onto bandwagons --wherever-- is not my thing so much anymore. And, besides, when so many people are screaming and so many people are encouraging the screams of others, very few people are listening. I pray that with the time that has passed, someone who needs this is "listening."
I was born to a woman in her thirties, still living at home with her parents, the baby of the family. And her married boyfriend. My mother had been pregnant years before having me; the baby was, she said, stillborn. Mom had never been married. My father had two sons with his wife. He'd grown up in a very conservative home and his wife, from all I've been told, was a lovely, God-fearing woman. My opinion, my father had definitely married up. Nevertheless, he left his wife and sons, and shacked up with my mom. Why, I can't say; theirs was never any wonderful love story. They finally married when I was eight. I can only assume, with two children enrolled in school, my father participating in various social clubs and holding offices in our church, checking the "MARRIED" box on forms made things much less complicated. How easy it would have been for my mother to have spared herself all of that embarrassment, all of the future stress and shame that came with being married to a man who didn't love her, if she'd just had an abortion. I've wondered, if abortion had been the easy option that it is today (Yes, despite the overturn of Roe v. Wade, and the dramatic narrative that surrounds that, it is still easier than it should ever be.) --if abortion had been the easy option it is today and my mother had chosen it, what would my father have done? If I was to rewrite history, I could say that Mom would have been better off without him and he would have stayed where he belonged. But I think we all know there are far too many "what ifs" that happen along the way. As much as we think one problem can be solved by doing something we shouldn't, we usually come to realize we have merely created another. What if Mom had died during that abortion? What if my father had stayed with her anyway? What if people had discovered their dirty little secret? What if I'd survived but been severely affected? What if I hadn't been born? What about my younger brother --would he have been born? His children?
I guess I expected the outrage, I just didn't expect the level of outrage I saw coming from certain people. In 2019 when New York's Reproductive Health Act was passed, allowing abortions to be obtained more readily and past twenty-four weeks of pregnancy, social media was flooded with the grief and prayers of those who disagreed. Last week, the level of vitriol and arrogance coming from those who opposed the Supreme Court's decision was shocking to me. Arguments for abortion --many of which made little sense or were completely inaccurate-- barely made it past the preliminaries before dissolving into hate-filled curses and vicious threats toward those who supported the overturn. And yet, in the midst of all of this chaos, pro-life friends were still posting things like this...
If you are having an unplanned pregnancy and need help, I'd be honored to help and come alongside you. Hugs to all moms, expected or not. You are a treasure.
...and meaning it. I mean it as well.
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