Shutting the Door

It was years ago, but it was one of those things that, even as I did it, even as I said the words, I was sickened by how wrong I was. I'd incinerated my first marriage, hurt him deeply, and, as he stood at the door of my new address --somewhere I never should have been, separated or not-- I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. I was shutting a door. And, as I spoke, I quite literally shut the door behind me. I wanted no one else to hear the terrible words coming from my mouth. Bad enough I said them to this man who in no way deserved them; I couldn't let anyone bear witness to my contemptible behavior.

The account of Lot in Genesis 19, is one of those strange and terrifying incidents of which people tend to have morbid curiosity: Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot's wife becoming an instant stalagmite, etc. One thing I've always noticed (19:6), as Lot goes to dissuade the men of Sodom from sexually assaulting his guests --for the sake of keeping this post rather brief, I'm counting on you to read the whole description of events yourself (use the link above ⬆⬆)-- as Lot appears at the doorway to talk the men out of their intentions, he closes the door behind him. I've always thought that was a reckless thing to do. An angry mob, bent on violence and depravity --did he really think it a good idea to be stuck out there alone with them? Perhaps he was simply trying to keep the noise of the crowd from disturbing the family. But as I was reading it the other day, the memory of my own attempts to cover my wickedness came back to me. And I realized, Lot was one of them! He'd settled in their city. 19:1 says he was sitting at the gate: that makes it likely he was a leader of the community. He saw these townsmen day after day; he'd become one of them, and now, they were at his door, threatening his guests --his angelic guests. I would assume Uncle Abraham had warned Lot, God was preparing to torch the city (Genesis 18. Yep, more reading!). Did Lot believe his guests had been sent by God to pick out the righteous folk and spare them? What would they think of Lot and his clan? Get out the family Bible! Say your prayers! Keep up appearances! Lot might very well have closed the door behind him so those inside couldn't hear what might be said outside --possibly Lot's reason for not allowing the angels to spend the night in the city square (19:2,3) as well. Who knows the tales the neighbors would have to tell these celestial beings about their buddy, Lot! So, Lot attempts to keep his "inside" life separate from his "outside" life, and then he makes the mob this offer: "I have two daughters who have not known a man; please, let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you wish." What?! Scholars talk about the "worthlessness" of daughters in various cultures and time periods; they talk about exchanging a "smaller sin" for a much greater iniquity; and these might explain (not excuse) Lot's offer, but judging by Lot's reluctance to leave Sodom and his desire to remain so close to its ruins (19:15-20), I have to wonder if what was going on inside him was just as corrupt as what was going on outside his door. And did he really think he could keep it outside?

My behavior years ago was immoral, reprehensible, and dishonest --whether anyone could hear what I said or not. I wasn't trying to shelter anyone but myself; I wasn't looking to protect anyone, just my reputation. There is no door that can be shut to keep God from knowing our hearts even if our acting is award-winning. And there's no door to keep others who are watching closely enough from discovering it eventually.

So, what's going on in the sanctuary of your heart? Ask yourself, Does it match what's going on right on my front porch? Am I seeking to impress people, or am I living authentically and for the Lord? Do I find the need to compartmentalize relationships or activities? Is there a "Sunday look" and a wardrobe for the rest of the week? Ask God to search your heart and, by His Holy Spirit reveal areas you are trying to keep behind closed doors. Ask His forgiveness and seek to obey Him that your life may bring Him glory each and every day of this new year.

(Photo courtesy LuAnn Martin)

It's More Than Just a Moment

How was your Christmas? I'm hoping you all had plenty of Hallmark moments to carry you happily through the upcoming year. And that is what we'll be facing next, isn't it? The dawning of a new three hundred sixty-five days to do the right thing or eat the right foods, be more of a free spirit or be less of a pushover, make new friends or be rid of old flames, or whatever things the closing out of one year and the dawning of another seem to require. How long will those resolutions last? A year can be a pretty long time-- maybe too long for some of the happier moments of the last couple of days to weather the storm.

I was reading the account of Joseph and his brothers (Genesis 42-44) the other day. You really need to read it, but I'll give you the condensed version for now. Joseph was one of twelve sons and his father's favorite; naturally, his brothers felt some kind of way about that. So, they sold him --yes, sold him-- to some slave traders who took Joseph away to Egypt. God had already planned Joseph's path for a purpose, so He allowed Joseph to be enslaved, allowed Joseph to earn the respect of his masters, allowed Joseph to be falsely accused, allowed Joseph to interpret dreams, allowed Joseph to be forgotten, and allowed Joseph to once again, earn the respect of his master (Pharaoh himself, this time) and be placed in a position of great authority in Egypt. Fast forward several years, and a famine in Joseph's hometown drives his brothers to Egypt to purchase food, and guess who they have to deal with to get what they need. Yep, Joseph! They don't even recognize him, so Joseph runs a couple of tests, the last and greatest being the planting of evidence in Joseph's younger brother's luggage. Now, with the disappearance of Joseph years before, his younger brother, Benjamin, had become his father's favorite. To have his son imprisoned or worse, would have killed their father with grief. The brothers tear their clothes in anguish and throw themselves upon the mercy of this "Egyptian," Joseph. Judah, chief suspect in the conspiracy to make Joseph disappear all those years before, now stands in the gap for his baby brother, Benjamin, and offers his life for his brother's. (All sorts of Messianic references there! Jesus is the Lion of the tribe of Judah; it is Judah who offers his life for another, much the same as Jesus gives His life for ours at the cross... But all of that will have to wait for another day; I have a point to make.) The brothers who, years before cared so little for their father's well-being they sold his son, who cared so little for one of their own they sought to profit from his pain, now grieve the thought of their brother being made to pay the price for his guilt, false or otherwise. This is the Hallmark moment, the happy ending we all long for! Isn't this what makes a great story?

Well, it wasn't the end, and it's not just a story. And just like those special moments we may have had or, at least, hoped for over the past few days, this was only a snapshot, a brief moment in time in the lives of Joseph and his family. Joseph revealed himself to his brothers, his brothers went back home, fetched their father, and they all lived in Egypt; but happily ever after? They had to walk that reconciliation out. It wasn't all torn clothes and selfless offers for the rest of their lives; it got messy I'm sure. And it's not all gift wrap and Christmas pjs for the next year (or what remains of this one, for that matter). It's going to get messy. There are things that will come in the new year, things you may not have planned or deserved, things that hurt or leave you reeling, and most of them will come about in or because of our relationships. Whatever your resolutions may be, you're going to have to walk that out-- especially if they include relationships and reconciliation. But it will be worth it if you are walking them out in obedience to the Lord. Like Joseph and his brothers who, by God's grace, became the twelve tribes of Israel, the people led out of Egypt and into the land promised to them as an inheritance, God can use our lives to bless others. Look for the Hallmark moments, but live for Jesus.

Countdown to Christmas - December 22, 2022

What is at the center of your Christmas celebration? The tree? Family? The food? Years ago, I was feeling a little meh about all of the seasonal trappings, and wanted to make a little more room in our inn for Jesus. I suggested we do something "different" with our Christmas tree. Before that thought gained traction, my husband voiced his opinion: he wouldn't hear of it. What he fails to realize is, prayer is my secret weapon. I don't fight, I pray. And, last year, no tree. We purchased a Moravian star and hung it above a ladder which we decorated. I grant you, it was still a focal point, but with less muss, less fuss, less time, less attention, and our nativity scene was equally as eye-catching. This year, at his insistence, our nativity is the main attraction. Winning! From the first time I decorated my own home for Christmas, I always had a nativity scene, but I'll be honest with you, it was usually one of those "homeless" sort of decorations. Where do we put this? Will it fit on top of the fridge? Put it next to the light up beer stein Aunt Paula sent us from Germany! God has changed my heart, however, and the birthday of Jesus is the reason I celebrate rather than a troubling reminder of what I'm supposed to be devoted to. It is the reason and the focal point of Christmas joy. 

On reading Matthew 1 the other day, I realized there is a figure in our nativity scenes we don't always acknowledge or, even, know what to do with: Joseph. He stands there, usually behind the manger, staring at The Babe. Reverent? In awe? Feeling a little displaced? Why is he there? To protect his adopted son? From what? And isn't God doing that? He is not the biological father-- no doubt that subjected him to all sorts of judgment and ridicule. In fact, it seems, as one of the major players in this tableau, he was the last to know; Matthew tells us Mary was "found with child" (v.18) before the angel showed up to clue Joseph in. Prior to that, Joseph clearly had reservations. However, Matthew says something very significant in his description of Joseph:

Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly.

Joseph was a just man. The Amplified Version says he was "just and righteous." The Complete Jewish Bible says he was "a man who did what was right." Joseph was a man living in accordance with Jewish law, with God's law. He was leading a covenant life with his Creator. He was obedient. I want you to see this: God's law tells us what is and isn't sin so that we might be protected against harmful behavior. God's law reveals the consequences of sin, and assures us it is impossible to work our way toward a righteousness acceptable enough to God, commanding us instead, to seek the righteousness of Christ found at the cross. By following God's law, Joseph had developed a heart inclined toward good things, righteous things. In Hosea 10:12, the prophet tells Israel to do righteous things, not in an effort to be righteous, but as they were waiting for God's Righteousness, Jesus, to come! In so doing, by obeying, they were preparing their hearts to recognize Righteousness when they saw Him. Two quick points before we get back to Joseph: 

First, John the Baptist was sent to prepare the way of Jesus and to urge others to be prepared as well. Prepare the way of the Lord; make His paths straight! Wherever He will tread, wherever He will come to make His abode-- make those paths ready. Please don't read self-righteousness here-- far from it. The Holy Spirit draws us, but we need to listen to those inclinations. The longer we resist, the more hardened our hearts become; which leads me to the second point.

As a parent, I sometimes required my child to do things, things that to them may not have made much sense. Why make my bed if I'm just going to get back in it later tonight? Doing those things taught them to obey, to do the things they might not see as valuable because I was telling them to do them. It inclined their hearts toward being compliant. Had I dropped the issue out of frustration the first time they objected, I would have been teaching them to complain and rebel.

So, back to Joseph. His heart was prepared. He had an obedient spirit. Matthew never explains, "Joseph was so in love with Mary, he couldn't divorce her." Instead, Matthew tells us that Joseph was so in love with God's law, he was ready to see the face of Jesus. He was willing to trust the words of the angel, endure whatever ridicule or danger, and care for this young girl and her Child because of the path through his heart worn by obedience. The few remaining times we encounter Joseph in Scripture he is again being visited by angels and following God's instructions. Obedient. Righteous. 

When you encounter Joseph in your nativity scene this year-- Yes, pull it down off the fridge if you have to; it's okay --take an extra minute to look at Joseph. What's he doing there? He is the figure of a just life, a righteous life, a life lived in preparation to see Jesus, the Fulfillment of the Law.

Merry Christmas!

Countdown to Christmas - December 19, 2022

If you haven't made out your Christmas list by now, that horse just might be out of the barn. I remember years ago, our children submitting addendums to their lists on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve! Apparently, they'd seen items long after their lists and their previous addendums had been filed, and they were hoping that in the few remaining hours before Christmas morning, there was still some chance of their wishes being fulfilled. And, although as adults we may have a better concept of time, isn't that how it works with us as well: we see something that looks appealing and wonder how we can get our hands on just the same thing. Our economy would collapse if we didn't all long for something we needed or thought we needed.

So, here we are, it's Christmas, the season we celebrate Jesus, the Word, God, becoming flesh. We need a Savior, and by God's grace, His only Son, Jesus is the suitable propitiation. He came to earth, fully God and fully man, dying on the cross in our place that we might live for all eternity in His presence. But, getting back to the whole idea of seeing and longing for, there are more layers to this onion. Jesus is our example. 

1 Peter 1:21-24 says:

For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps:

“Who committed no sin, 

Nor was deceit found in His mouth”;

 who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.

Ephesians 5:1-2 instruct us:

Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.

We are to act as He acted, love as He loved, and live our lives after the example He set for us as He walked this earth. Do we want that life, however? Are we seeking that life? On the Big Christmas Wishlist of Life is it there, front and center, first and foremost? 

1. A life just like Jesus Christ's

Jesus was not shy about telling folks the type of life He led: one that could leave a person with no roots, no family, no friends in this world. The things that tie us to our jobs, things like mortgages and car payments, are part of human existence but not necessarily part of the life lived in imitation of Christ. Do you long for that? Those societal dictums we in Western civilization follow so religiously: get a good job, family first, take care not to offend people. Are you yearning to leave all that behind? When Jesus pitched His tent with us right here on terra firma He was providing an example for us to follow and a life we can desire to live! As believers we should all be aspiring not just to live the kind of life Jesus lived while here on earth, but to dream of it! Each verse of the gospels should jump out at us as we read, causing us to pine for a life of selflessness and holiness. If others are supposed to look at our lives and want to know the One who has transformed our very being, how much more should we look at our Lord and Savior's lifestyle and long for a path like that?! What was it that caused those early disciples like Simon Peter and Matthew to immediately abandon their old lives to follow Jesus, and is it on your list?

Well, my Christmas list has been made, and this year it is extremely short. But after the Holy Spirit spoke this to me today, I think I'll be submitting an addendum. 

Merry Christmas!

Countdown to Christmas - December 15, 2022

"If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with all people." (Romans 12:18) I memorized that verse years ago when I was dealing with a particularly "difficult" person. I'm going to preface anything more I have to say with this: God is showing me right now that I am more difficult than I care to acknowledge. 

If you are a mom, or a caregiver, or a pastor, or anyone who has been given some sort of regular responsibility for the well-being of others, or your situation requires you deal with folks having personalities less than congruent to your own, you know. You can feel as though you spend day after day, all day fighting: fighting to lessen the damage, fighting to gain control, fighting to get others to comply, fighting to understand or be understood -- it's exhausting! And forget fighting your own battles: the bulge, the budget, the burdens. But there is peace. Even better, Shalom.

I'm going to give you the abridged version of this-- it's sooo good, I'm looking forward to revisiting it again and again --but, shalom is the Hebrew word most of our English texts translate peace. As sometimes occurs, however, when translating to another language, some of the richness and essence of a word or concept gets watered down. I think that's happened with our word peace. It usually appears with its friend quiet, and tumbles out of the mouths of mothers a dozen times a day. It's most often a feeling in the everyday, and only a real thing when we talk about it coming to existence between rival nations. We think of peace as the result of a lack of turmoil, a moment to ourselves, an assurance the cancer is gone, a picture perfect evening with family, sufficient funds to meet our needs. But is that the peace of the Bible? Is that shalom?

In What Is Shalom: The True Meaning, Susan Perlman says, "Peace (shalom) cannot be determined by our own biased viewpoints or selfish needs." The peace we tend to long for is a cheap, subpar, self-serving, worldly version of the shalom of Jesus Christ. Shalom is wholeness, some say "nothing missing, nothing broken," complete restoration that one's purpose might be obvious. What on earth would that look like? Well, if we believe our purpose is to bring God glory, shalom would be a completeness that allows us to be Christ to others in a way that is humanly impossible, with no trace of reluctance or ego. And here's the good news: God keeps in perfect peace (shalom) those whose minds are focused on Him because they trust Him (Isaiah 26:3). Peace with God (reconciliation) was obtained through Jesus Christ's work at the cross (Romans 5:1). And peace is proof of the Holy Spirit working in us (Galatians 5:22-23)! 

But I don't feel peace! you say. Oh, yes you do, just not the type of peace the world gives. You feel the pain as the Holy Spirit takes you through grief in order to make you whole. You feel the frustration as the Holy Spirit guides you through tough situations to make you complete. You feel the disappointment as the Holy Spirit walks you through failed endeavors and dwindling bank accounts to reconcile you to the person and purpose God intended when He made you. That, my friend, is shalom you're feeling. And every moment you spend fighting it, insisting things will be better your way, robs you of your peace. If shalom is wholeness, complete reconciliation, getting to that point in a world like this is going to be tough; but be of good cheer, Jesus, the Prince of Peace, has overcome the world (John 16:33)! Celebrate His coming!

Countdown to Christmas - December 12, 2022

What else did you have? 

My husband is on a diet. He has asked me to help him plan his meals and count his calories.

What do you mean? He feigned innocence.

What do you mean, what do I mean? I mean, what else did you have to eat? 

After seventeen years with this man, I could tell. He'd stopped for a slice of pizza on his way home. I know my husband. 

I was reading Genesis 37 this morning. It's the first good look we get of Joseph (not Jesus' step-father, but the one with the fancy coat) and his relationship with his family. Jacob, Joseph's father, played favorites and Joseph was it. That created resentment among all Jacob's other sons and Joseph exploited it:

Hey, guys, guess what! I had a dream you were all bowing down to me! Is that cool or what?

No, it was not. But Joseph's hubris didn't stop there:

Hey, Dad, guess what! I had a dream you, mom, and all my brothers were bowing down to me! Is that cool or what?

As parents, we want to champion our children, to inspire them to great things and give them as many opportunities as we are able, but in the natural, Jacob wasn't hearing anything about bowing to his own son! Oh, you really think that's gonna happen, Joe? Despite his initial reaction, however, verse 11 tells us Jacob kept the matter in mind. Succinctly put, Jacob knew God when he saw Him. He may not have liked it, but he accepted the possibility.

When we examine the events surrounding the advent of Jesus, the Messiah, who could imagine this was the birth of a King, the King of all kings? Who could imagine God Himself would pick Bethlehem, of all places, to arrive? Who could imagine He would be born to a young woman, engaged and claiming to have conceived by the Holy Spirit? Who could imagine the first people designated to herald God's presence on earth would be filthy shepherds? Who could imagine a Redeemer, helpless, wrapped in rags, and lying in a manger?

I hope you can. I hope you have known God long enough, have walked with Him closely enough, or simply, have decided to trust His character enough, that you know Him when you see Him. I hope you are seeking to understand what Scripture reveals about His nature and His work, that you might believe even in the impossible. I hope you have determined to believe what God says, that you might understand the events and the things of God when you see them. I hope that knowing Him is the only reward you seek.

Countdown to Christmas - December 8, 2022

Troubled relationships, we've all had them. During this time of celebrations and gatherings, we may long for reconciliation. Or, we dig in, rehashing hurt and terrible words best left in the past; we strengthen our resolve to hold a grudge until that person apologizes first, and refuse to allow that person to ruin our holiday.

Jacob and Esau, sons born to Isaac and Rebekah, had a troubled relationship. They were twins, but they appear to us as different as night and day: Esau was rugged, a hunter, and his father's favorite; Jacob stuck close to Mom by the tent. Being the oldest, Esau was deserving of the birthright, a double portion of inheritance and the title of "man of the house" when Isaac died. But, even before they were born, God announced His plan:

Two nations are in your womb,
Two peoples shall be separated from your body;
One people shall be stronger than the other,
And the older shall serve the younger.”

Things would not go according to the traditions of men. 

One day when Esau got hangry, Jacob seized the opportunity: he traded some stew for Esau's birthright. But that wasn't enough for Jacob; at his mother's suggestion and with her assistance, Jacob tricked Isaac into giving him Esau's blessing. Esau, to say the least, was fighting mad. He swore vengeance on his brother. Jacob ran off in fear for his life. Years passed and Jacob sent word to his brother, Esau, he was willing to hand over a good portion of his fortune to make amends. Jacob's servants returned with news Esau was coming their way with four hundred men. Not exactly the intimate family reunion Jacob was planning. So, Jacob tightened up the defense and prayed:

Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; for I fear him, lest he come and attack me and the mother with the children. 

He also sent a peace offering to Esau ahead of time: hundreds of goats and sheep, camels and colts, cows and bulls, and donkeys and their young. What a present! This put some distance between the things Jacob was willing to lose should Esau decide on revenge, and Jacob's loved ones bringing up the rear. Jacob gave his servants specific instructions and explained, I will appease him (Esau) with the present that goes before me, and afterward I will see his face; perhaps he will accept me. The present. 

In this all too commercialized season, presents, satisfaction, finding that "just right" thing to make another's holiday sparkle can steal our attention from the greatest Gift of all, Jesus, the Prince of Peace, our Salvation, God with Us. The Messiah is God's peace offering to the world; it is only through Jesus we find reconciliation with God. We can never be good enough; we can never give enough. A right relationship with God requires divine intervention, a Gift more holy, more sufficient than we could ever be. The Peace Offering of Jesus is the only acceptable means by which we can enter the presence of God and receive His forgiveness. The Present, Jesus Christ, the all-sufficient Sacrifice, given to us by a Holy God, goes before us to atone for our sins, appease God's righteous wrath, and bring peace to our relationship with our Heavenly Father. When God looks at His children, He looks at them through the Present, the person of Jesus Christ; He accepts us and we see Him more clearly as His Holy Spirit remains with us, teaching and guiding us. But unlike Jacob's present to Esau, there's no "perhaps" about it. Colossians 1:19-23 assures us:

For it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell, and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross.

And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight— if indeed you continue in the faith, grounded and steadfast, and are not moved away from the hope of the gospel which you heard..."

The ending to this scene in the history of Jacob and Esau comes in Genesis 33:4:

But Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept.

Reconciliation. 

By Jesus we are made right with God, holy and accepted. Do you long for reconciliation? Jesus, the greatest peace offering has come, has served with His life, and has gone before us into the presence of a just God who has chosen reconciliation over vengeance for those who continue in the faith, grounded and steadfast, and are not moved away from the hope of the gospel which you heard. What a present!

Countdown to Christmas - December 5, 2022

The people who walked in darkness

Have seen a great light;

~ Isaiah 9:2

We used to attend a church with two Christmas Eve services. One, the first, and perfect for families with young children looking to burn off the Christmas Eve excitement, was a raucous, musical celebration, a birthday party for Jesus, complete with balloons and favors and sweet treats afterward. The second was later in the night, quiet, reverent, by candlelight. Such is the season that is upon us. We move the furniture from the middle of the room, make space where we can dance and welcome the advent of Light, keeping the night at bay, outside our celebration. We close the door and bar the noise and onslaught of life and its busyness that we might sit silently in the simplicity that is darkness, treasuring the peace. In our homes, massive trees usurp spaces once dedicated to frivolous things like chairs and tables. Move them out, the tree is coming! Dusty boxes of tinsel and glitter sit in freshly vacuumed living rooms waiting to spew their contents over scrubbed walls and perfectly polished credenzas. Lists and menus, scribbled and dog-eared lie beside pristine figures of a holy couple and the Babe --the manic and the manger. It all seems so paradoxical. And why shouldn't it?

The King of all kings enters our presence. Life comes to die. The Hope of Nations is born on a map dot. A child born to a virgin. Radiant angels announce His birth in the skies over grimy sheep and their equally grimy custodians. The anticipated, longed for Messiah will be rejected by His own people --people He chose to be His people!

This is a season of dark and light. The Son of God, the Light of the world, came to broken human beings separated from God by sin, people walking in darkness. The glory of light is made more glorious when placed squarely in the center of darkness. Twinkling pinpoints of burning gas gleam in a barren black sky. The light that represents the ferocious presence of God boldly interrupts the darkened drunken debauchery of Belshazzar's Feast by Rembrandt. The single lamp post, defiantly stakes its claim against the pitch-black of night. Our faces are awash with the advent candle's glow as we contemplate the arrival of Hope of Glory. But when we really look, when we really stop to see, we discover there is no paradox at all: darkness serves the light.

Arise, shine;

For your light has come!

And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you.

~ Isaiah 60:1

The Light has come. But it is best seen --He is best seen when the world is dark. So many around us are paralyzed by hopelessness. Friends who are despairing, neighbors who are terminally ill; homelessness and financial ruin. Our world is crying out for Light, leaning forward, peering into the darkness. He is here! He has come! The darkness must be there so they can fully appreciate the light. The darkness serves the light. Tell them! Share with them the Light. They are waiting to see Him, to dance and sing and sit in silence and treasure His peace. They have been brought to this place of darkness that they might see the Light and He might be made all the more glorious.

Count Down to Christmas - December 1, 2022

It's November and we just turned the air conditioner back on. Welcome to Pennsylvania! Several years back, we had snow on Halloween. Just last Saturday, Scott and I checked and triple-checked the forecast, making plans for some of our rainy day projects. I awakened that morning to sunlight streaming through the windows and birds singing Sunshine on My Shoulders. (We have some very talented birds in our neck of the hoods.) Unpredictable, right? And who likes that? We much prefer things to be structured, planned, normal. 

Lord willing, you will be reading this in December, sitting down with a nice cup of hot cocoa and taking a break from your hall decking; I, however, am just starting to think about Thanksgiving plans, and writing this in anticipation of the holiday season. We expect it, prepare for it, even count on it. But the truth is, calendars can be just as fallible as weather forecasters. Alright, maybe not just as fallible-- Is it my imagination, or have they gotten so much worse? --but let's face it, erasers were invented for a reason. Plans change. 

But there's a plan that hasn't changed, that didn't change. It's a plan that was prophesied in the Garden of Eden:

And I will put enmity
Between you and the woman,
And between your seed and her Seed;
He shall bruise your head,
And you shall bruise His heel.” ~ Genesis 3:15

How long had Adam and Eve lived in the garden before the serpent came looking to get ahold of the glory that belongs to God alone? Weeks? Months? I don't want to be common, but they were created as full-grown adults, naked, and with no television: as of the moment they fell to temptation, they had no children. Get my drift? If that's not enough, how long can you go without one prideful or disobedient act? I think it stands to reason, they hadn't been occupants of Eden too long. But here they were, the first human beings, early in the game, and God gives them-- and all of us, by proxy --a promise: His Seed will bruise (fatally) the head of the serpent's seed. 

Quick story: My mom's family was a tough bunch of characters. The stories they could tell! One moved into an old house in Maryland. His wife was cooking dinner one evening when a snake came slithering out of the fireplace. They were a little unnerved, but my cousin beat it's head in with a shovel. After that, snakes became more of a nuisance than a shock. More than one snake met it's demise under the heel of my cousin's boot. 

Back to our prophecy, though. Do you see that capital S, there. Bible translators use that to show us there is more in this passage than just the simple threat of snake bites and annoyed husbands squashing black racers. There are the words that follow: He will bruise your head; you will bruise His heel. There is a single Man, a Representative for all mankind, a Victor. That Representative is Jesus, who will come as a God-Man, showing us how to walk out the life He will purchase for us with His very blood. Thousands of years after the words were spoken in Eden, Jesus was born. Thousands of years after His birth, life, death, and resurrection, human beings are being reborn by the Holy Spirit. 

So, wear a sweater, make your holiday plans; I hope it all goes as planned. But, only Jesus is The Promise you can count on!

A Most Beautiful Example

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ~ Hebrews 12:1-3

"Jesus showed up for worship today," I wrote in my journal. Now, I'm well aware, Jesus shows up any time worship is happening (Psalm 22:3 says God inhabits the praises of His people), but this was quite different. One Sunday morning, not long after our congregation had begun to sing, a man-- very large, with wild hair, toting bags and an umbrella --lumbered down the center aisle of our church and fell on his face at the altar rail. After a few moments, he made his way to the back where he sang his heart out for a bit and disappeared. That's not the type of event that causes a stir at our church-- in fact, I never heard anyone even comment on it-- but it struck me, however, as most beautiful. 

I'd never seen this man before. He's not a "regular," as they say, during worship; but in that sanctuary, in the middle of a group of strangers, this man had nothing on his mind but reaching the place where he could fall on his face before the Living God. Imagine! He didn't stop to place his bags or his burdens on a nearby chair; he took everything he had straight to the place he knew God was present and awaiting him. To me, his hair looked unkempt and his clothing seemed haphazard, but he didn't care what I saw. The thud he made when he hit the floor made me wonder if he'd hurt himself, but he didn't care what was going through my head. His singing was angelic, but he wasn't interested in auditioning --except for an audience of One. Single-mindedness. Commitment to purpose. Lack of pretense. Unsophistication. Authenticity. Travail. All of these words come to mind when I think of those few moments that Sunday, of one man's desire to meet with the Savior, the Friend of sinners. 

Hebrews says we need to get rid of anything that would keep us from racing toward Jesus. Fear, self-consciousness, the right clothes or the right haircut, strangers, the bags that tend to weigh us down, the threat of a little rain-- anything! The witnesses that surround us are those who have gone before, those who have done exactly what God, through the author of Hebrews tells us to do. The greatest witness of them all? Jesus! And though He has not yet returned to this world in body, He set the example for us two-thousand years ago. He is still setting it today.

Dust and Ashes

Dust and ashes. Doesn't really appear to be a Thanksgiving post, I guess, but the idea of just how little we are, how insignificant our time on this planet, and how all we are given is a gift from the One True God... Well, I suppose it's a Thanksgiving post after all!

In Genesis 18, we read that Abraham was told of God's plan for Sodom and Gomorrah. It's interesting to note, in verse 17, God asked the question, "Shall I hide from Abraham what I am doing--" Who was He talking to? Was this a rhetorical question? Does God have to ask permission of anyone to do what He decides is required? Now, that was a rhetorical question! He goes on, "--since Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him?" God was making a point. Abraham has been blessed for the sake of blessing others --all the nations of the world, in fact. Just what does it look like to be so civic-minded? We're about to find out. 

Abraham is right in line with what God has planned for him. When God tells Abraham what His plans are for Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham "negotiates." Was God offended? Was Abraham insolent? Well, if God wants Abraham to be the "father of many nations," what kind of father would he be if he just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Whatever." Abraham advocates for the righteous that will be swept up, killed off in the judgment against the wicked in those cities, but prefaces his negotiations with:

"Indeed now, I who am but dust and ashes have taken it upon myself to speak to the Lord."

Despite what we might call Abraham's "elevated position," despite the tremendous blessings God clearly promised and reiterated, Abraham has no delusions of grandeur; he does not think too highly of himself. In fact, in verses 1-8 of Genesis 18, we see Abraham, age 99, in the heat of the day, running to meet God and falling on his face into the dirt before Him. He begs for God to remain with him. He pleads to be able to serve Him. He orders his somewhat cynical, also aging wife to use the best flour and get to baking. Can you imagine her reaction? But Abraham went there, risking his wife's sharp tongue and equally piercing looks, to serve his Lord. He hand-picks a young, tender calf, and orders his cook to quickly prepare it to perfection. And Abraham stands by the Lord, as a servant stands, ready to meet whatever need He could possibly have. This is the father of nations, the patriarch selected by God, prostrating himself, taking on the role of a servant, and later proclaiming, "I am but dust and ashes. Who am I to talk to the Lord?"

And who are we? By the grace of God, by His mercy, by the blood of Jesus Christ alone, we speak to the Creator God, our Father in Heaven. We, who are sons and daughters of Eve, born out of the dust of the earth, whose bodies will one day return or be reduced to ashes, are loved enough, cherished enough by such an Infinite Spirit that He would make a way for us to enter His presence. That He would even look upon us makes Him magnanimous in the most complete, purest sense of the word; but that He would entertain our ramblings, that He would permit us to ask for things like His protection and His guidance... It leaves me speechless. There is no God like Jehovah who keeps His covenant and mercy with His servants who walk before Him with all their hearts, who inclines His ear to the cries of those made righteous by the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Happy Thanksgiving!

(Photo courtesy LuAnn Martin)

Follow Me!

What if God told you that He had arranged for hordes of people-- angry, well-armed, combat-trained hoards to chase you so that they could know Him? All throughout Scripture, God tells Israel they are to be a light, an example to the nations of the world: Genesis 12:2,3; Genesis 18:18; Isaiah 49:3, 6; Isaiah 60:1-3; Ezekiel 37:27-28; Zechariah 8:20-23 Other nations would know the character of God by the way He has treated them, by the way they worship and obey Him, and those nations would follow them into serving God as well. But there is this place where the people of Israel are told the army of another nation is going to follow them and know their God. Perhaps you've heard of it before. The account is found in Exodus 14, at the shores of the Red Sea:

Adonai asked Moshe, “Why are you crying to me? Tell the people of Isra’el to go forward! Lift your staff, reach out with your hand over the sea, and divide it in two. The people of Isra’el will advance into the sea on dry ground. As for me, I will make the Egyptians hardhearted; and they will march in after them; thus I will win glory for myself at the expense of Pharaoh and all his army, chariots and cavalry. Then the Egyptians will realize that I am Adonai, when I have won myself glory at the expense of Pharaoh, his chariots and his cavalry.”

What struck me as I studied this, was the idea that everyone had a role, something they were to do, so I began making a list:

Moses: instruct, lift his staff, reach out with his hand, divide the sea
Israel: hear, obey; advance in faith 
God: harden the hearts of the Egyptians
Egyptians: follow Israel; know God

The Egyptians were meant to follow Israel and know God. God hardened their hearts; God planned it that way. When the nations --in this case, Egypt-- follow Israel, they will know who God is. What an image! Israel was to be a light to the nations, spiritually; but here we have this picture of Egypt following Israel-- even to a natural death --that they would know God. Do you think they got the message?

Verses 24 and 25 tell us:

Just before dawn, Adonai looked out on the Egyptian army through the column of fire and cloud and threw them into a panic. He caused the wheels of their chariots to break off, so that they could move only with difficulty. The Egyptians said, “Adonai is fighting for Isra’el against the Egyptians! Let’s get away from them!”

Oh, they knew! "Adonai is fighting for Israel." But it was too late. As Miriam, Moses' sister sang:

Sing to Adonai, for he is highly exalted!
The horse and its rider he threw in the sea!

Who is following you today? I hope, not angry hordes; but chances are there are people watching your life. Will they find Jesus if they follow? 

Or are you following someone? Are you watching someone's life, wondering why they are so committed to following their King? What is it about Jesus that makes them so confident, so passionate? Ask before it's too late.

Under His Thumb

"Hold still!" Mom would command, but I'd struggle and writhe like a fish on a hook. She was after me with that thumb again. You know the one. The one that threatened every time you were about to go out the door. The one loaded with spit and ready to remove all sorts of dirt from little faces. A comedian once said mom-spit had the chemical composition of Formula 409. Another said Leonardo da Vinci's mother used it to remove the frown that once rested on the face of Mona Lisa, telling da Vinci to try again. I vowed never to subject my children to such humiliation: I forced them to spit on my thumb and used it instead. (My less than scientific research determined, their spit did not have the same efficacy, and I sometimes wore their efforts in places other than my thumb. Food for thought.)

In James 4:8, we are commanded: Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. I recently heard someone speak on cleansing; that's when this verse and the mom-spit thing came back to me.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Doesn't God call us to begin with? John 6:44a says, No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him. So, yes, initially we are called to the Lord. But in those times of --I'm just gonna use the term "extreme emotion"-- joy and celebration, fear, confusion, pain, repentance, doubt-- those times when we are not at our "norm," we can draw near to God in quiet, tears, song, prayer. We can take those moments of extreme emotion, seek God differently or more earnestly than usual, and He will draw close to us. Quick illustration: Luke 15, The Parable of the Good Father. In verse 20, we are told the younger son went to his father; "but when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him." His father didn't stand there, feet firmly planted, declaring, "I didn't do anything wrong! If he wants forgiveness, he's going to have to come to me." No, he saw the son making his way back home, perhaps struggling with every step, and the father went to him. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. This is the part where I used to wince. I mean, James, what happened? We started off so sweet, so nice. Images of me, coddled and comforted in the arms of a loving Father. Then, suddenly you turn on me with the name-calling and the self-cleansing? What gives? Well, first of all, despite my promise to follow Jesus, I don't always do it. I mess up. And when I do, I'm no better (on the outside) than I was before I met Jesus: I'm acting like a sinner and I am being duplicitous, double-minded; I have moved away from Him. Because of Christ and His blood and my promise to follow Him, I can return, draw near again, receive forgiveness and restored relationship. That's the second thing: in drawing near, He can cleanse me, He can purify my heart. This is where the mom-spit comes in: when I fought, when I wriggled, when I darted underneath Mom's arm and refused to submit to her thumb, I resisted cleansing. In effect, I was saying, "I'm good. The purification you're offering is not for me; it's not worth what I'm going to have to undergo. I choose to walk out this door with my dirt." But in moving toward the one who was able to see my dirt and remove it, I was cleaning, bathing, freeing myself of dirt. (Like standing before a sink and a mirror which, thankfully, is what I do now. I can't get clean if the sink is running and I'm ten feet away.)

So, draw near to God, get under His thumb, so to speak; be cleansed, be made pure of heart. And leave the mom-spit to touch-ups on your way out the door.

Never Too Dark

It's four in the morning, I've just let the dog out. One of those sleepless nights for me, a golden opportunity for her. She'll sniff and explore-- but not too far, it's pretty dark out there. She's got the heart of a lion-- she really does, but something in her brain tells her there are things out there to be feared, and that something overrides her lionheart and she fears. I peer into the darkness as hard I can, as if squinting and leaning forward an inch will give me some advantage over the absence of the sun overhead. She's gone beyond any light coming from our kitchen and I can no longer see her. It is dark out there.

It's four in the morning. My brain is running amok. Will there be enough money to pay the bills this month? Will Mom be okay while I'm gone this weekend? Did I get Scott those snacks he likes? How will my doctor's appointment go? What is going on with that "check engine" light?  Life can be pretty scary-- even with the lights on.

In Psalm 139 (TPT), the writer asks the questions: Where could I go from Your Spirit? Where could I run and hide from Your face? The answer is, nowhere! If I go up to heaven, You’re there! If I go down to the realm of the dead, You’re there too! If I fly with wings into the shining dawn, You’re there! If I fly into the radiant sunset, You’re there waiting! There is nowhere we can choose to go, or wander and get lost, or even, be taken that God cannot see us. There is no such thing as darkness with You, the psalmist goes on to sing. The night, to You, is as bright as the day; there’s no difference between the two.

When the door opens, and we stick our noses out into the frosty darkness, and we give the air a sniff, and God whispers, Go ahead, get out there and check out the place I've created for you, do our brains start tabulating all the things there are to be feared? Sitting safely behind the door at the Master's feet we have hearts of lions, but as we begin to wander a little further from the kitchen light...

I've got you, God says. I'm not squinting or leaning or wondering where you are. I see you. I formed you in the darkness of your mother's womb. That freckle that you have-- the one right there beneath your right ear --I placed that there in the pitch black warmth of your mother's body. And that branch of the pear tree that always casts that scary shadow on the gate? I formed that, too. And your doctor's appointment that's got you tossing and turning at 4am? I already know the answers and I'm waiting to walk you through them. There is no such thing as darkness with Me. The light, the night-- they're both the same to Me, obedient. 

Now get your dog and go to sleep.

Photo courtesy Brandon Dewade

I'm Not a Fixer; I'm a Fixer-Upper

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to be a teacher. I was brought up in a world where it was good to help people. Somewhere along the line, however, I received the message that I could help people. No, more than help people, I could fix them. I'll resist all the specifics, but I wanted to fix my mom. And my mom needed to be fixed, she really did. Mom told me her problems and I would try to fix them:

I can't take this anymore! I'm just going to pack my bags and disappear one day!

Mommy, please don't! We'll be good. I promise!

Your father's late again and dinner's ruined!

Mom, let's just eat. He hasn't been on time for weeks. Why do you keep putting yourself through this? 

I sit here day after day. It's the weekend. I want to do something, and your father's nowhere to be found!

Mom, you have a car. Just go enjoy yourself. You always said you wanted to volunteer someplace...

And on and on. I bought her a microwave. I bought her the ring and the coat and the television and all the tchotchkes she wanted. I got her a dog. I took her places. I encouraged her. I entertained her day after day at the expense of my responsibilities. Again and again I attempted to fix her. Again and again she continued, making no changes of her own. Fast forward almost forty years, Mom still isn't fixed. In fact, she's worse off now than she ever was. And I am exhausted. It took a couple fisticuffs with my own demons before I could see it: I have been trying to fix her. 

The rage and impatience I feel as her brain will not allow her to do basic tasks are because I want her fixed. The annoyance that never seems to go away is there because I've been fighting for so long and her needs simply refuse to disappear. I long for a relationship with my mother in which she is there for me, rather than the other way around, rather than the way it has been since I was a child. I wanted a mother who would teach me to be strong, not require my strength for her own survival. I wanted a mother who would impart wisdom to me, not dump her bitterness and foolishness on me. I wanted a mother who would leave me with a heritage --if not a godly one, then at least, a feminine one-- not use me to fill her emptiness. I want that mother who, though she may not be perfect, brings something to the table besides depression and neurosis. 

I want my mother fixed. 

    And I've tried with all my might. 

        And it's broken me.

But that's such a good thing! I can't fix her. I never could. My attempts to fix her were the habits of triangulation and dysfunction and co-dependence that I developed so long ago. My complete burnout was the consequence of a human being --even one with good motives-- trying to do work God never gave her to do. Be kind, yes. Decide the efficacy of that kindness, no. Love unconditionally, yes. Expect results, no. Help and encourage, yes. Become angry when things don't turn out as planned, absolutely not.

God is working in this season. I need to be fixed as well.

Growing Through the Pain

As a '70s kid, we spent countless hours outside playing Hide 'n Seek, tag, roller derby --all sorts of running, jumping, moving games. All of that action lead to some skinned knees and scraped up elbows. A quick dab of Merthiolate and a Band-Aid put us back in the game. However, at least for a short time, there was a sense of trepidation when it came to the uneven patch in the sidewalk or that one branch of the tree --whatever it was that caused our previous fall was treated a little more respectfully, with just a little more caution than before. 

As kids, we were all capable of falling, none of us avoided it. Many a runner wiped out on the curve by Miss Millie's, and the front tire wobble that developed just after landing the big jump was something with which each of us was familiar. The cuts and scrapes were consequences. There wasn't a child on our block who didn't bear some sort of blemish from our outdoor escapades. (I can still point to several of my own today.) In those days, parents called that a lesson. The sympathy moms doled out quickly evaporated when from the kitchen window she heard her recently mended son shouting, "I think I can skip five steps this time!" To which Mom would reply, "Haven't you learned your lesson?!" When those falls and wounds resulted in a little more prudence, or a better way to scale the wall, or a concern for others-- establishing rules so others didn't trip over that same broken fence post -- that's what grown-ups called wisdom, maturity. Foolishness, much like the way we describe insanity today, was repeating the previous actions and expecting to stick the landing. The best dads were the ones helping to modify ramps and pushing their offspring toward greatness by involving them in more structured motorsport programs.  

Have you ever thought of adulthood in the same terms? Even adults do dumb stuff, right? Sometimes life takes us places we've never navigated before, and we don't always get it right on the first try. Sometimes we are forced to sit next to the hurt guy at work, and as we know, hurt people hurt people, right? However it happens-- through our own negligence, stupidity, ignorance, or through no fault of our own, we fall, we get hurt. The wounds we suffer are the consequences-- and, yes, we suffer consequences whether the fall was our fault or not. (One of the truly ugly truths of living in a broken world.) The entire experience is the lesson. Whether we learn to fear, to withdraw, to do unto others before they do unto us, to love, to proceed with caution, to seek wise counsel-- it's our choice! Lastly, how do you plan on moving on from here? Will you continue to beat yourself up over your latest gaff? Will you blame and allow anger and unforgiveness to settle like a cloud over your life? Will you fear and refuse to trust again? Will you move forward in a way that demonstrates growth and shares that growth with others?

I've noticed a push to create a painless, comfortable society where consequences are only for the people who deserve them-- whomever that may be (Not us, that's for sure!). Even in some churches, the message is about "your best life" and just how "Golly-Gee-Whiz great life is now that I follow Jesus." We don't like the idea of falling, and getting hurt, and picking ourselves up, and nursing one another's wounds, and learning lessons, and trying again-- or not trying again --with whatever information we've gained. It's all so messy. But following Christ is about knowing the fellowship of His suffering as well as the power of His resurrection. (Not exactly the inspiration you'd find on a refrigerator magnet, as our pastor would say.) 

Proverbs 24:10 says, If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. It is in the difficulties of life that we become stronger and wiser. We learn through failure. We mature through trouble. James 1:2-4 says, Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Now, I know joy may not be the first thing on your mind when you're going through tough times, but God promises, if we just hold fast in faith, we will grow, mature, and gain everything we need for spiritual adulthood. Troubled times will be our teacher if we ask God to show us what we are to learn through them. Pain can change us for the better if we see it as a signal to draw nearer to God and receive His healing. 

Walk in joy today, and leave the Merthiolate in the medicine cabinet!

Still Very Much Under Construction

One summer, I sat in the teachers' lounge, eating peanut butter and jelly on a graham cracker. I say "peanut butter and jelly" because, there was a faint aroma of peanuts on the cracker and the tiniest smear of jelly. Despite a couple hours of hockey practice in the morning and stocking shelves in the school library the rest of the day, that would be the only thing I would eat until the following afternoon when I sat in the teachers' lounge once again. I had begun playing games with food and I wasn't even in high school yet. 

More than fifteen years ago, Scott quit drinking. The Holy Spirit gave him the strength to simply walk away. Just like that! Praise God! Then he decided to quit smoking. Multiple attempts, multiple methods, and even though he has been smoke free for years now, he struggles everyday. Sometimes it's like that. Sometimes we are given grace upon grace to walk in newness of life as though we never were dead. Other times we are given grace upon grace to sweat and dig and lift in the building of a life that God makes new. The brambles of temptation litter the ground and the bedrock of sin resists being broken. There will be no new structure without labor. The eating disorder that has plagued me most of my life more closely resembles the sweaty struggle of Option #2.

I have prayed for God to instantly change my stinkin' thinkin' --decades of it. Instead, He tells me that in Him I can be transformed by the renewing of my mind, and a foundation will be laid. I have prayed that one day I will wake up and no longer think of ways to eat as much as I'd like or ways to avoid having to eat at all. Instead, He gives me new things to consider: true things, pure things, lovely things, and the bricks are stacked one by one. I have prayed I would discover a way to love the body God has given me and treat it as His dwelling place. He answers that all I do is to be for Him and the lies that set me on this path of self-abuse contradict everything He says about me; that blueprint is the law I trust and obey. I have looked for that secret formula that would change everything for me overnight. Instead, God assures, Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you (Psalm 55:22), as He invites me to labor alongside Him. 

So, that's where we are. About four weeks ago, I had a "crash and burn" kind of day. I ate so much junk --easily a 5000 calorie day! (just to offer some perspective)-- that I felt terrible for days. In the past, my crash and burn day would have been followed by multiple days of "slash and burn" tactics: purging, "sub-safe" calorie intake, crazy workouts, beating my body into submission, punishing myself for being such a terrible person. (Which is really why the "crash and burn" days usually happen in the first place.) But the slash and burn didn't happen. Instead, I held on to God's promises, I talked to someone about the things I'd done and the way I was feeling, I refused to hide anything in the dark, and I asked God to help me build back what I had torn down. We'd worked so many years on that, and I'd leveled it in less than a day; but, apparently, the foundation had started to crack, so we're rebuilding it once more.

I'm not fixed. I'm not cured. I am still very much under construction in many ways. But I'm not closing down the jobsite. I am going to wake up each and every morning God gives me, be grateful, focus on obeying Him, cling to truth, and give each day my best shot. Brick by brick. Will I fail? Yep (I relapsed two days ago), but I'm also investigating why this season, why now, what are the triggers, and how I will react to those triggers in a more mature, more appropriate way. All the while, I'm trusting the same God who delivered me from sin and death will sustain me each and every time I give this effort to Him; I'm receiving His grace upon grace to do the hard stuff.

This Really Stinks!

Look at these flowers. Are they beautiful, or what?!

Alright, if I'm being honest, they're not all that beautiful. But they're not terrible either. In fact, I'd call them "nice to have around", or "normal", or "acceptable", perhaps I'd even call them "better than average".

Scott got me these flowers two weeks ago. They've had a good run, but that black spot right there in the center of that one in front, the wilting, the browning, and the fading of colors? All signs of death. And the smell! I know you can't smell them, but this morning as I walked into the kitchen, the smell was the first thing that hit me --and not in a good way. Funny, two weeks ago, a beautiful fragrance filled the room. But today? The dreadful smell of death.

People can be the same way. We can look pretty good on the outside. Not terrible. Maybe even nice to have around, normal, acceptable, or better than average. We can appear to have it all together. Sure, we might have our divots and scratches. That doesn't mean we can't add something colorful to the landscape. But take a good whiff. Are you rotting from the inside out? Is your beauty only skin deep? It may seem harsh, but without Jesus, that is death you smell.

As a child, I learned the lyrics of a song that accompanied Child Evangelism Fellowship's Wordless Book, a tool used all over the world to share the gospel message:

My heart was dark with sin until the Savior came in.
His precious blood I know has washed me white as snow.
And in God's Word I'm told I'll walk the street of gold.
To grow in Christ every day, I read my Bible and pray.

New life God gave to me--life abundant and free.

He wants this new life to grow--the Bible tells me so.
Loving and trusting and praying, witnessing and obeying,
I'll grow in knowledge and grace until I see His face.

It's hard for us to think of our hearts being so wicked, so deceitful, dark with sin, but the Bible tells us that is the case. We might think we're kind and compassionate, giving and forgiving, well behaved and self-controlled, but even King David, a man after God's own heart, knew his judgment could not be trusted. He asked God to search his heart, to point out any way in which he was not living as a man of God. 

As a Christian, my heart has been washed clean by the blood of Jesus Christ on the cross. God looks at me through the righteousness of Jesus; I am acceptable before Him and my punishment for sin, past, present, future has been served. But there are things that still affect my soul, my human nature. There are temptations that come to me from the world, from Satan and his minions, and my own humanity; if I fail to resist them, the new life and the good works God has given me to do can begin to show signs of decay. My salvation is secure, my identity is in Christ, but the choices I make or the way I conduct myself won't reflect that. Like David, I still need the Holy Spirit of God to do those regular checks. God, is there something taking root in my life that should not be? Is there something that's going to corrupt my relationship with You or with others? 

If you don't know Jesus as your Savior, if you haven't taken the time to search out, in the pages of the Bible, who He is and what He's done for all of us, I urge you to do that today. If you have been following Him, but have maybe started to feel a little lukewarm, or just haven't asked Him to examine your motives and your behavior lately, I urge you to do that. Looks can be deceiving. Without Jesus, we are not okay --it's that simple. In fact, if we're not obeying Jesus, no matter how we look, we're just stinkin' up the place.

Not a Christian

Those who leave everything in God's hand will see God's hand in everything.
~ Unknown

I am a Christian. If church was giving out certificates for perfect attendance, I wouldn't receive one. If God was giving out awards for best behaved, I wouldn't receive one. If the stars spelled out the name of the most generous givers or the most selfless servants, I wouldn't be among them (our pastor would; not me). But I am a Christian just the same. I am a person who believes the Bible is true, it reveals the character, plan, and work of God to all mankind. I believe that Jesus died, suffering every bit of the penalty I deserved for my sin, paying my debt in full and in return, He gave me His righteousness; He rose from the dead, the Firstfruits of many --myself included, proving His life, His blood, was the one and only sufficient sacrifice for sin. It is that clean slate, if you will, my new identity and the presence of the Holy Spirit in me, that emboldens and empowers me to live as Christ lived, loving others as He loved me. It is the work of God the Father, through Jesus Christ, His Son, by the power of the Holy Spirit. In my power I come up woefully short. It is in unlikely moments-- moments of weakness, rebellion, ignorance --that I often think I'm starting to look most like the Christian I want to be. 

Going back to the days of my childhood, sitting quietly in Sunday school, careful not to wrinkle my best dress, I wanted to be good; I wanted to please God and my parents and my teachers. But those days are few before the world begins to label you with names like "teacher's pet" and "goody-goody," and you realize that to gain the acceptance of your peers (which, on the average, outnumber your teachers by twenty to one) you must lose the approval of adults on some level. I wasn't prepared make sacrifices. I remained good in school and quiet in church, but when the grown-ups weren't watching I did all I could to prove I was not good and quiet. I was a fake and I learned to be --I thought-- pretty good at it. On the surface, I passed for a Christian, but I was not a Christian.

Fast forward twenty-five years, two marriages, two children, two divorces, lots of frustration and striving, even more guilt and weariness, to a time when I finally threw my hands up in surrender. Weakness, rebellion, ignorance left me decimated. On the surface, I was a mess; I didn't pass for anything much --certainly not a Christian. But I was the most authentic me I'd ever been. All the things I believed about God, now in the wreckage of my decisions, I promised to trust. I had no place to go but before the throne of God --homeless. I had no one who could save me from myself or even knew just how bad and how fake and how lost my self was --alone. I couldn't do anything to survive that kind of brokenness, much less make anything great out of it --weak. I'd been smacked squarely in the face with my arrogance, my do-it-yourselfism, my self-indulgence, and had learned the hard way that I had no idea what I was doing --ignorance and rebellion. But, I was a Christian. I am a Christian.

C.S. Lewis said, "The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us." And I'm trusting Him to continue making me good. I am leaving everything in His hands and walking in a life planned by the One who loves me like no other. And if I appear broken or put together or frazzled or pious or tired or jealous or gracious --however I appear-- I will trust God to do whatever it takes in me to make me look more like Him, inside and out. Because I am a Christian.

Photo courtesy Mark Sutherland