Is Divorce a Sin? (Because Someone Needs to Hear This Right Now)

Yes, but I don't believe sin is necessarily the point, and I do not believe doing everything right is the goal. It is a goal, for sure, but not the goal. Matthew 6:33a says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness," His righteousness. God's, not our own. I could be wrong and if I am, I urge you to show me, but I don't believe the divorce question is about sin any more than the question of our pursuit is about our own righteousness.

Let's first talk about marriage, though. Marriage was established by God to be a picture of His relationship with His people. In the Book of Hosea, God uses the imagery of the prophet Hosea's marriage to illustrate the unfaithfulness of His people Israel, to caution them of the consequences of their choices, and to demonstrate His might and mercy. Marriage is a covenant between two people as our relationship with God should be a covenant: Jesus has redeemed us from the power of sin and death (rescued His church bride from playing the whore to Satan and the flesh) and has imparted us with His righteousness (dressed us in white as though we were a virgin), therefore, we should live as those joined to God in Christ Jesus (made one with Him). Marriage is extremely sacred to God and should, therefore be extremely sacred to us. We should be doing everything in our power to make our marriages wonderful, to lift one another up in prayer, and to hate divorce as much as God does. 

Having said all of that, it seems we are sometimes left with no choice but to endure divorce. I say "endure," because I believe 1 Corinthians 7:15 teaches that if one files for divorce, the other spouse is to let them go before things get ugly; we are to live in peace. Therefore, it is the spouse who did not want to divorce who must endure it. But what about the spouse who believes they must file because of physical abuse or infidelity? This is where things get a little less cut and dried. 

I am divorced. Twice. The first divorce was absolutely 100% on me. I was an unbeliever, married to a wonderful, caring, faithful unbeliever, and I burnt it to the ground. The second was a little more involved. It was a physically and emotionally abusive relationship between two unbelievers. He was a serial adulterer, and although he hated me, he refused to divorce me; I was nothing more than the place he revisited when his affairs dead-ended. Eventually, we separated, and we were all better for it. God does not want people sinning against and damaging each other. My children and I were now safe. But, did I have to go through with the divorce? In retrospect, my answer is no. The arguments that would seem to support divorce do not satisfy me. "Divorce allowed me to find closure." God gives closure. "Divorce allowed me to get support for my children." God is my provider. Could I have gone on indefinitely married to, though not living with, a man who did not love me the way Christ loves His Bride? Nothing is impossible with God. Did I have to go on indefinitely married to, though not living with, a man who did not love me as Christ loves His Bride? Today, I trust God would have handled it. He would have changed my ex-husband's heart and reconciled us; we could have returned to living together as God intended. Or, I would have prayed for reconciliation until my ex-husband took the steps to divorce me; I would have endured divorce, not provoked it. But all of this is me looking at my situation through the faithfulness God has shown me over many years and the relentless work of the Holy Spirit in me over those same many years. 

You might say that when I needed to be at this place in my walk I wasn't. And that's not for the Holy Spirit's lack of trying, that's for sure. God has had His hand on me since before birth. He has wooed me and looked after me time and time again. I was too busy being religious, worrying about how things appeared, rejecting God because His standards are too high, fixating on what was or wasn't a sin (usually in terms of other people's behavior) rather than trusting in the work of Christ at the cross, the only way we can meet God's standards. So, rather than ask if divorce or anything else is a sin, I would encourage you to focus your attention on the Way to holiness, Jesus Christ.

Simple Beginnings to Effective Prayer

How effective is prayer? If you've never stopped to consider it, look at your prayer life and it will reveal your answer pretty mercilessly. If you're really sold on the efficacy prayer, it's your go-to. Before you try to think of solutions to the problem, before you retrace your steps to find your keys, you pray. If you don't place too much stock in its power, it could be the last resort; maybe you bow your head during prayer at church, but you're thinking about all the other things you could be doing. Maybe you don't mean to treat it so lightly, but it just seems so passive. Maybe you're pretty certain it could change things but you're just not comfortable doing it. Maybe you've simply never seen prayer yield the results that you expected and you've become a little jaded. When it comes to prayer, maybe we could all use a pep talk. 

First of all, prayer is a conversation between God and His creation. The winds and waves testify to the power of their Creator simply by doing what they are told to do. Mankind, however, has the ability to choose and understand; human beings can recall the things God has done for us and give thanks; we can experience fear and call on Him for help. The earth is the place God created for us to live out that relationship with Him. Psalm 89 and Isaiah 65 are two wonderful passages tying together the use of verbal communication to worship (or even curse) God. This world was created as a place for us to speak to and speak about our Creator. 

Secondly, that conversation emerges as we draw closer to God. As we read in the Scriptures who He is and the things He has done for mankind even before there was mankind, we gain knowledge of the One with whom we are in relationship. The more we know about Him, the more we have to discuss with Him. To a faithful God we cry out in times of trouble; to an intelligent Designer we express gratitude and awe; to a holy Judge we apologize and seek mercy; to a tender Friend we pour out grief and sorrow. If we don't know or seek to know the character and capability of the One with whom we claim to have relationship, what will we talk about? 

Third, this world is marvelous at the same time it is messy. It is beautiful in its design; its symbiotic relationships and hair's breadth specifications keep it functioning in perfect order. Its sights and smells are wondrous to experience. But it is fallen. Have you ever wondered why God allowed that to happen? Among other explanations, the trials and turmoil of this life often bring us to our knees before His throne. Yes, we should seek Him in gratitude, but I believe many of us tend to seek Him more faithfully and more ardently in trouble. The world is a place for prayer and praise motivated by the goodness of God, but it is a place where prayer is often necessary and praise is drawn from us by God's benevolent presence during adversity.

Someone once said, "Those who put everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything." An effective prayer life doesn't necessarily begin that way. It develops as we begin, however awkwardly, to talk to Him about what we know, move closer to Him by seeking to know more about Him, and walk out that relationship day after day. One step at a time. One word at a time.

Worry: A Mind Divided

"Why worry when you can pray? Trust Jesus, He'll be your stay. Don't be a doubting Thomas, rest fully on His promise. Why worry, worry, worry, worry when you can pray?"

It's an old chorus we learned in Sunday school. The words are easy to recall; the message is, perhaps, a little more difficult. In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus talks about worry. He directs our attention to nature -- the birds and the flowers of the field. The Father provides precisely what they need. How much more will He provide for those made in His image? 

Worry is fruitless. Jesus says, "Which of you by worrying, can add one cubit to his stature?" (v. 27) Worrying accomplishes nothing of value. It does, however, waste time and energy best spent elsewhere. What about praying instead of worrying? What about simply going for a walk? Or getting some rest instead of lying there in the dark imagining all sorts of things? Worry can lead to health problems other than insomnia, it can cause stress-related disorders: weight fluctuations, ulcers, hair loss, skin problems. Maybe worry is not entirely fruitless, but who wants rotten fruit? Worry denies the ability of God to do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or think. In fact, worry demands an immediate solution absent of God. Worry refuses to stop unless it receives an answer. There is no trust in God or rest in His timing. 

The word translated worry in Matthew's passage is "merimnao." It is said to be a combination of two words: "merizo" which means to divide, and "nous" which refers to the mind. Think about that for a moment. A divided mind. Sounds like worry, doesn't it? What will you do if you don't get the job? Was she really serious about a divorce? What if the cancer comes back? You can't shut your mind off. One thought coming right after the next. You start to sweat and your heart races. Dread, regret, fear. And your common sense is telling everyone to just stop it already! "Trust," it says, but there's a struggle, a division. 

What happens when wood or cloth begins to split? It keeps splitting, doesn't it? Worry does the same thing with us. Unless something or someone wraps itself around all of those fraying ends, pulling them together, and holding them tightly in place, we will come unglued. 

Colossians 3:12-17 says:

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

Love is the bond of perfection. Our love for God, our trust in Him, and our complete surrender to His will are what keeps up from division. If we are practicing the imitation of Christ, our relationships with others will improve; drama and turmoil will be lessened and we can know we have approached every situation to the best of our ability in Christ Jesus. Those things that occur completely outside of our control -- health issues, layoffs, tragedy? The peace of God rules and reigns in our hearts, we have a support system in other believers, and above all, we are grateful. Whatever befalls us, love, the bond of perfection will keep our minds stayed on Jesus and we can remain wholly at rest.