My husband recently lost his mother. They'd always had a "strained relationship," to say the least, but he never saw it coming. Oh, he knew she was dying, but he never knew that the reconciliation would not come. He had tried throughout the years, there had been glimmers of hope. And I don't mean she wasn't trying either, but they never seemed to be able to stay on the same page. He felt wronged. She felt wronged. Each looked for that apology from the other, each gave the other some satisfaction throughout the years, but neither was able to rest in it. Oh, to be completely forgiven!
Feelings can keep us stuck where we don't want to be. "I feel this," or "I feel that," can be some of the most hobbling words. We trust that feeling of boldness over and above the Holy Spirit's direction. We trust that feeling of hopelessness over and above what the Bible says. We don't feel forgiven or loved, so we must not be. The Bible tells us our hearts can deceive us. Proverbs 28:26 says, "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered." Why? Because our hearts are impure and self-centered; because our hearts can be filled with all kinds of conflicting information and desires. Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is more deceitful than all else, and desperately sick: who can understand it?" From the time sin entered this world, the heart has been corrupted and has led us astray. History has established the consequences of a heart given too much rein, a heart allowed to determine one's path. King Solomon had a propensity to worship gods -- little "g." Despite this, when God asked Solomon what he wanted, Solomon asked for wisdom to go forth in that to which God had called him, ruling God's people Israel. God rewarded such a humble and sincere request with not only Solomon's desire, but riches and honor, and a long life if he continued to walk in the ways of the Lord. We know the tragic outcome when Solomon followed his heart instead. Solomon was given so much -- and clearly it came from the Lord -- but he chose what he felt over the wisdom he was given.
I don't mean feelings are bad -- they are given by God, but as indicators, like lights on a dashboard. When we feel unloved or unforgiven, we need to seek Truth. And that's not a typo, that's Truth with a capital "T," for Jesus says He is "the Way, the Truth and the Life." (John 14:6) Our feelings may indicate something, but they should not be what drives us, the engine, if you will. And, like lights on a dashboard, our feelings should not be indefinitely ignored. Ever do that thing where you place a gum wrapper over the annoying light there in the corner? Not a good choice. And just because one light might suggest all systems are a go, doesn't mean there's not an underlying problem elsewhere. The absence of the notorious Check Engine light, or the presence of a glowing oil pressure gauge doesn't mean there is fuel in the tank or brakes on the vehicle. Lights can only do what lights are put in place to do -- alert. In fact, it may take lots of time and labor to suss out the real glitch that's causing us to "run a little rough." It takes a professional to diagnose and repair issues that inhibit the performance of a machine, and a good technician will pay a lot of attention to finding additional problems that may have occurred as a result of one small matter allowed to run amok. Are you following the analogy?
My feelings of being unloved for so long. Scott's feelings of being wronged. Were those feelings inaccurate? Maybe not, but living in light of those feelings -- or any other feelings, for that matter -- is not the way we are meant to live. We are meant to seek after Truth. We are meant to surrender our hearts for examination by the One who formed us and knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows how they got that way. He knows what other problems have developed as a result of allowing our feelings to take the helm. He knows how to heal our broken hearts and soften ones turned to stone. He is the Professional, the Designer, the Builder to whom we should be turning when the lights of doubt, or hurt, or satisfaction, or fear, or gratitude, or hopefulness begin to flicker.
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