Fearless and Self-Controlled

One night at work, I encountered a smoking package. While hazardous material clean-ups were in my job description, this one probably warranted a call to the local fire department. Instead, I placed it on a cart and gingerly walked it to the farthest region of the property where I allowed it to "do its thing." Its thing ended about two in the morning when we learned it was some sort of compound that had baked and hardened when it came in contact with a catalyst. Water? Heat? Who knew? But once it cooled to the touch I brought it back into our building and began the paperwork. "Judi, you are absolutely fearless," a coworker said. To the casual observer, perhaps, but on a personal level I was going through one of the most frightening periods of my life. Pressure mounted to the point I couldn't stand another criticism, another suggestion, another word of advice, another deadline. I believed I was constantly under attack, and like a cornered animal, I would strike out thoughtlessly and unpredictably at the very people who were trying to help. I thought my abrasive, and even, offensive exterior would mask the fear that was consuming me.

Lately, I have been doing my daily devotions from a book that is not my usual fare, but it has just ministered to me during this season. God is marvelous that way! Tuesday's topic was "Fear," and the verse was 2 Timothy 1:7:

"God gave us His Spirit. And the Spirit doesn't make us weak and fearful. Instead, the Spirit gives us power and love. He helps us control ourselves."

I knew this verse. I'd read it a dozen times before, even memorized it from the King James. But, this time I "tasted" it:

I am filled with the Holy Spirit. It is the Spirit of God, almighty and powerful. Therefore, I am empowered to do things for the kingdom, things like love. I can love my enemies. I can love those whom others want no part of. I can love those who use me or dismiss me. I can do that because the Holy Spirit bears fruit in me, the fruit of self-control.

That's where God continued to teach me. Fear is a self-preservation mechanism. Fear is based on a perception my very self is in danger; fear is self-focused. All those things that make up who I am -- my hopes, my opinions, my habits -- all those things could be taken from me or altered by people who challenge my time, or my money, or my privacy, or my health, or my position. Fear is knowing that possibility exists and focusing on the "me" that could be lost were this to happen. Not convinced?

What happens when you get the news they're cutting jobs in your office? Or you discover your 14-year old daughter is pregnant? Or your husband is given months to live? Or your sister with dementia can no longer be left alone? Can you feel the panic take your breath? "What ifs" streak through your mind, making your prayers seem to go no further than the ceiling. Can you feel your dreams slipping through your fingers? This is going to change the life you've grown to love. This is going to be uncomfortable. This could ruin everything.

2 Timothy 1:7, however, tells us that the Holy Spirit has been given to believers. It is the very Spirit of the Creator, the good and sovereign God, Jehovah Jireh. It is that Spirit in me that yields self-control. My self is brought under submission that I might go where God wants me to go. My self is of no significance, that I might do what God wants me to do. My self is crucified that I might fulfill the plans God has for me to fulfill. Even if it changes my hopes, my opinions, my habits. Even if it changes who I am -- and, hopefully, it will!

The Christian life is not always the quiet, safe one. The martyrs of centuries past testify to that. But when we allow the Spirit to direct our steps, when we seek to honor the King of kings, fear gives way. The Holy Spirit brings self under control that we might serve people in the worst neighborhoods, love people who may abandon us, minister to those with the deadliest diseases, or simply tell our story -- every wretched or embarrassing detail -- to someone who needs to know what God can do for them. When we know we are safe to love, to risk, to fail, even to give all we have for His glory, that's when things really begin to change -- even our selves.