Need New Glasses?

"Are we gonna do this again?" Scott was holding up the coupon from the local optician. We'd used their service last year, and were pleased with the results. "Yeah, I could use new glasses," I replied. And, somehow, that turned into this whole "thing."

Last week, I confessed to a friend the frustration I feel when someone parks over my driveway. "I have this vision of taking a can of spray paint and drawing it from the edge of my drive, right across their trunk lid to show them how to pull up." She responded by saying, "I'm glad to know you are human." I was astonished! Not offended -- I know what she meant: the one I'd perceived as "having it all together spiritually" thought the same of me. We were both wrong.

On Monday, a friend texted me about one of my posts. It had stirred a memory of a time when she had not felt so confident or adequate. I was, once again, astonished. This woman was so mature, so classy, so vibrant, so "together" -- even in high school! She was a pretty girl then, but through the years has grown into a sophisticated beauty with a spiritual refinement that pours forth from her like precious oil. She does not always see what others see.

And then there was the moment in the grocery store. Scott began telling me about a book he is reading. "I like this guy," he said, speaking of author, James MacDonald. "He explains things clearly, so I can understand them. It's like I'm looking at things differently. I can see things I didn't see before." That did it! "Okay, I got it," I said aloud, speaking not as much to my husband as I was to my Father.

Today a coworker began talking to me about perceptions. (Perhaps I hadn't quite gotten it.) Our discussion turned to the way we perceive others as being "less than" or we label situations as being "unfavorable." We agreed, perception is nothing more than opinion -- like "One man's trash is another man's treasure." Truth is able to rejoice in suffering and know God is working for the good of those who love Him, who are called. That is truth!

So, how is your vision? When you're looking at the world through warped or dirty lenses it doesn't matter what you are looking at, the picture will not be accurate. Whether you are looking in a mirror or staring at your best friend; whether you're scanning the want ads or gazing out at your neighbor as he straggles home from work; whether you are looking at a stack of bills or the numbers on a bathroom scale; whether you're rereading the last letter he wrote to you or rereading the last letter you'll write to him, if you are looking at it through any lens but the lens of Truth, you will not see clearly. How we perceive the world around us or within us is only truth if we view those things through the blood of Jesus Christ, the One who makes all things new!

Happy Birthday, Dad

Today would have been my father's 91st birthday.

Dad was quiet. He was always smiling and pleasant to neighbors and customers. He taught adult Sunday school and for many years was a big part of our church's lay ministry. He belonged to the Masons, the Gideons, and the Westinghouse Square Club. He fixed our cars and he loved to travel. He worked three jobs at one point, selling insurance, driving a delivery truck and working as a security guard at a retirement home.

Dad was a battering ram. If that seems to contradict the man above, it may or may not. He could draw blood with his silence. He punished us time and time again by his withdrawal. There was a rage that simmered beneath the surface of the smile he gave to others, a rage that was reserved strictly for us. His words spoke of rules and behavior and discipline; his existence spoke of war.

My father was a man conflicted. He existed with one foot in religion -- a true legalist if there ever was one -- and the other in flesh and excess. He studied the racing forms with as much zeal as he studied the Scriptures. He worked to exhaustion and gambled the fruits away. He gave us piggyback rides and took us ice skating, and then he didn't. He made sure we went to church and got a great education, and then he didn't. Inconsistency and duplicity were his most reliable qualities. He wanted riches, worldly or otherwise; they eluded him. He wanted a perfect life, but had never properly identified the one he'd been given.

I wrestled a great many years with this contradiction I called "Dad." That battle left me feeling as schizophrenic as he must have felt. It also helped me understand. I know my father is with Jesus; he believed in Jesus and His work at the cross, and taught it to anyone who would listen. That may have been part of his pursuit, that by seeing it take root in others it might also take root and grow new life in him. Every encounter my father had was a way of getting something for himself. An imperfect being, as are we all. His battle left him never truly happy and never truly free. At least in this world.

And that is the lesson of my father's existence: life is about relationship. The moment you choose to exist alone, you die. It's hard to imagine what he would have been like at the age of ninety-one; but I suppose the best indicator is his condition the last time I saw him. He was frail and appeared tired. He once again pushed me away. Even in his last moments he would not fight to live.

Happy birthday in Heaven, Dad.

Just Going for a Little Walk

When the dogs were young, I walked -- a lot; we could easily do five miles each day. We wandered and explored new paths; went at different times of the day; met new people along the way. These days my walks are pretty utilitarian, Point A to Point B; no time for exploring, just exercise.

Sometimes I have a tendency to see my Christian walk as a Point A to Point B kind of thing. "You Are Here," and I have to get "There." I foolishly think there is some sort of established route and set speed, and that all of us travel the same course. Not so. The only way is Jesus. After that, it's entirely up to Him.

Scott met Jesus in 2005; that's when he started exploring who Jesus was, what Jesus did, and why Scott would want to serve Him. Before my husband knew Jesus, he respected women, was polite, kept a job to support his family, and hadn't murdered anyone. He was -- I don't know, like, halfway there. Right? I met Jesus when I was four, but had little to no respect for others or myself; I "faked it" for a great many years; and though I could quote pages of Scripture, my life did not reflect their wisdom. In some ways, Scott was "way ahead" of me. We all have the freedom to choose what we will or will not allow to change us. A softness of heart always makes for a more productive walk.

But that's not all. God has a different plan for Scott, and must prepare him for the things he will be required to know and do. My problem areas and hang-ups are different from Scott's, and require attention accordingly. And Scott and I are different in the way we hear and see things. When Scott reads John 3:16, "For God so loved the world...", a picture begins to form in his mind, one different from the one in my mind; the thoughts and emotions evoked are not the same; the truths with which he walks away are not the same truths that will change me at that juncture. We are not traveling the same path. Grace and respecting one another's differences always makes for a more interesting walk.

Even my own relationship with Jesus is constantly changing. In January, I began with a focus on curbing my busyness and surrendering my schedule solely to the Lord. That developed into a plan to be more intentional with my relationships. In the meantime, a book popped up on my radar -- a quick read, or so I thought -- that dealt with some of the reasons why I chose or avoided certain relationships in the past, and what to do about it now. That plan uncovered a smoldering anger within me. As I was training my attention toward a more godly attitude, a period of grief entered my life, drawing my energy away from anger and back toward relationships. Hardly a straight run from A to B; but without the Holy Spirit's guidance, I could have been left back in anger, or gotten sidetracked by grief. Holding onto Jesus always keeps us safe on our walk.

Life is a journey. Wherever your walk with Jesus takes you, keep your heart soft, your love for others deep and your arms tightly wrapped around the One who will lead you along the path of life everlasting.

Comfort in Relationships

A friend just asked for prayer because she is in the midst of a health crisis and she is fearful. I bring it up, because that type of fear is not something I normally experience. And maybe there's a reason for that.

Years ago, I'd been assigned to a department at work that handled breakages and spills -- sometimes hazardous material spills. A clean-up was required -- something smoking -- and I quickly removed it from the building in an effort to deal with it where it could not harm others. (It turned out to be some sort of sealant that had been activated by extremely high temperatures during transit.) Once the situation was neutralized, another employee walked up to me and said, "You're pretty fearless, aren't you?" When it comes to fire? broken glass? spiders and snakes? bodily harm? Yep! But if the situation had been a salon full of women urging me to get my nails done, or a subpoena demanding I testify in the trial of an estranged family member, or an encounter with one of my past "crushes", or some bit of nastiness threatening to force its way into or alter my "safe" little world...?

I was intensely afraid of honest relationships and confrontation. More accurately, I was afraid of how those kinds of things "always end" -- in abandonment. I never told others how I felt because I was afraid they would abandon me. I never shared the Gospel with anyone because I thought they would think I was some sort of freak, and abandon me. I never looked people in the eye or met trouble head on because I didn't want to be abandoned. Fear of abandonment governed everything I did: pleasing people, neglecting to set boundaries, running myself into the ground to do it all, gossiping and lying about my gossiping. Until I got to a point I couldn't take it any longer. I sought the help of a friend. A friend who taught me the importance of boundaries in a relationship, and showed me that being alone was not the worse thing in the world. When it came to navigating the stormy seas of life, this friend was fearless!

And now, this friend fears something of which I have no fear. And she has asked me to pray. And I am reminded that's what this life in Christ is all about. Hands and feet, not feet and feet. White and black, not black and black. Differences that serve whatever purpose God has for us; differences that, when we work together, can accomplish great things for the Kingdom; differences that complement one another, not divide.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ." ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

"Heavenly Father, 
Please be with J as she undergoes this procedure. Remove any fear and worry from her and allow her to rest well. She knows Your Son and she knows You will not leave her or forsake her. You are the Great Physician, the Designer and Craftsman of her body, and You are able to make everything that she faces work for her good and Your glory. I ask that You would send a special word or reminder to her, that it will be okay, that she is in Your care, and You are aware and in control of all that is taking place. Please give the doctor wisdom and a good night's rest; and if it is Your will, heal her today, right now, so this procedure would be completely unnecessary. We give You all the glory for Your answer to prayer. We give You praise for Your healing in our lives, and we worship Your majesty. Praise Your mighty name!
We pray in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen."

Busier Is the New Prettier

"I know you wouldn't understand," I heard her say, "I am sooo busy. But, it's my calling." The "sooo" was, of course uber-dramatic, and the boast about her "calling" was done with such a superior lilt in her voice, I thought she was going to float off into oblivion. She was saying this to a friend of mine who, though she has no children at home, mentors others in her neighborhood; my friend works part-time, cares for a family member, volunteers when she is able, has a small business of her own, and is a strong prayer warrior -- always ready to pray with someone over the phone or call others and get them praying for a specific need. When did busy become the new pretty? Is this a generational thing? a societal ill? When did women begin measuring their worth by the number of calendar reminders going off during Bible study?

I remember high school. Maybe it was just me, but it seemed as though there were girls who believed "prettier" made them better. Prettier got them the lead in the Spring drama production. Prettier got them the right date and the right friends. Prettier made them captain of the cheer leading squad. Or maybe, it was simply the confidence "prettier" gave them that helped them do things "plainer" girls were afraid to do. Either way, prettier was the perceived power that launched them toward stardom and importance.

Today, it's busier. Does busier mean you are more in demand? more popular? Does busier mean you know what you're doing while others are merely floundering cluelessly through their own idle lives? Does busier mean God likes you better because He chooses you more often? (Does He choose you more often, or do you make up things to do?)

Sometimes, "busier" is the way we avoid loneliness or issues we should be addressing. Sometimes "busier" is the way we tell ourselves we have worth -- after all, we're always being needed by someone, right? Sometimes "busier" keeps us from hearing what God has to say, or keeps Him from doing what He longs to do in us and through us. Look at Jesus' answer to Martha, when Martha requested He make Mary help serve their guests:

"Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:41-42)

Martha's worry and trouble was evidenced by her desire to interfere with Mary's response. Martha looked down on her sister because she was not "busier"; Martha labeled Mary a slacker, someone Jesus needed to whip into shape, someone who would never understand the great pressure on those called to be busy.

Sisters, please understand busier doesn't make you better. (Sometimes busier even means you're not where you're supposed to be.) Please remember we are all called to different roles within the body -- none more important than another. Please encourage one another, whatever our roles. Let's get out of high school and on with life.