Sunday, June 10, 2018

Devil's Diner: Serving Worms Since Eden

"I wouldn't do that to you. I would never do that to you," she said. But she had. I had been betrayed by someone I'd trusted. It was a simple thing, really. Nothing to lie about. Maybe that's what made it so difficult to understand. What other motive besides intense dislike or a desire to hurt could there have been?

And while I'd decided to move on and let that relationship go, there was more. A senior co-worker who didn't like the way I was handling a project; so, rather than discuss her concerns with me, she completed the project as she desired, and without me. The family member I surprised with a gift who never even so much as acknowledged it. The group of sisters who wanted "to do something really special" for my graduation; so they did nothing. The urgent prayer request I sent to many of my prayer warriors which went completely ignored. The many times I began to speak but was talked over or treated as though I'd said nothing. Over and over I was avoided, forgotten, short-changed, disregarded, interrupted and overlooked.

Immediately I defended: "We've been friends for years. There's no possible way she just forgot me like that. There must be a reasonable explanation." But as time passed and the offenses were never acknowledged, as my justification was out-shouted by what I perceived to be verification, a root of bitterness and doubt began to grow deep within my heart. "They are all fake. They don't really love me." The strains of that childhood song flowed, an undercurrent through my every thought:
"Nobody likes me; Everybody hates me; I think I'll go eat worms..."
And the more I thought, the worse it got -- "I've never fit in. They are all prettier, thinner, richer..." -- until it was not only war on them, but war on me as well. But I've learned to ask myself a few questions:

1. What if the voices are right? What if I wasn't pretty or wealthy or skinny enough to be in their group? Did I want to spend my life hiding, never trusting anyone again? Was I willing to change who I was to fit in with "fakes and back-stabbers"? Nope! God loves me. To Him, I measure up because of Jesus. And if I am unwanted, He will direct me to a place I can fit in, with people I can trust.

2. Do I really believe everyone in my life is treacherous or artificial? Were people really going to all that effort to maintain a charade for me? That was pretty self-aggrandizing, don't you think?

3. If everyone around me isn't faking it or lying, who is? The father of lies, Satan, was whispering not-so-sweet nothings in my ear, saturating my mind. Now, he can't have my heart, but if allow him my mind, he can keep joy out of my heart. He can keep me from showing others love, from trusting and communing with others; he can render me ineffective in the battle for the kingdom, that other hearts might become the Lord's.

So the next time Satan and his compatriots Self-Pity and Self-Loathing serve you up the latest hot dish of worms, no need to eat them, just listen to the "Voice of Truth."

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