With Love, Mom

God's Dear Child,

I want you to know just how much I love you. The times I held you, the times I watched you succeed and fail, the times I watched you walk away -- they all did something very profound to my heart. But this was never about me. Or, at least, it should not have been.

I know there were times I was tired or frustrated; I was short with you, and wanted my own way, and maybe, disciplined you too harshly or too quickly. Perhaps I should have spent more time talking to you -- or listening to you. I made mistakes, and I hope you will forgive me for them -- not because I lie awake in torment each night, but because one day you might. Because forgiveness makes you a better person. Because forgiveness keeps you from negating all of the good because of the bad. Because forgiveness is obedience to God -- if you care about such things.

You are growing: growing up, growing old. But I pray this is more than just an outward transformation. I pray there is maturity -- not worldliness, for worldliness makes us cold and hard on the outside, and hurt and delicate on the inside. Seek maturity that allows you to be kind when kindness isn't called for, and soft when everything within you screams for cast iron walls around your heart. A maturity that causes you to walk a little taller with fearlessness and certainty, even on roads you've never traveled. A maturity that sees beyond what is into what can be; and sees beyond what can be into what you must do to make it so. A maturity that knows pain and sweat and failure -- I mean really knows it -- that thrives on those things like a health food nut on nutritional yeast! They may not be as coveted as the delicacies of life, but they are the rock on which balance and completeness are honed. A maturity that is wise and patient; that sees the big picture, and knows it has not been painted for you, but is crafted by you, and countless others.

Perhaps I have said all these things before. Perhaps you have dismissed them because you know who I am -- my faults, my weaknesses. Allow me to challenge you to listen now to a woman who, with age, with maturity, and with Jesus Christ has seen a better way. Has seen the person she wishes she could have been -- for you. Be that better person. Be all the Lord has intended you to be. Right now.