Monday, May 21, 2018

The Blessing of Do-Overs

Being a stepmother has had its challenges. But, being Olivia's stepmother, is a unique privilege. Maybe its because she is such a great kid. She keeps an open mind and rarely judges others. She is all about relationships. And she is clever. She has a God-given wisdom that -- even at a very young age -- allowed her to see truth although deception was clothed in enticing promises. And Olivia wants to learn. We talk about things that are going on at her school or in the news; she wants to process the information that's constantly flooding her life. It was on one such occasion -- during one of our "processing" talks -- that I was given a wonderful, undeserved second chance.

Olivia is caught between two worlds. One in which she has no spiritual foundation, and one in which her father and I have clear, passionate, life or death beliefs. During this particular discussion, she mentioned something that set off some spiritual alarms for me. Inside I was screaming, "NO! That's not okay. That's not something that's up for debate, or is in any way relative." But outside? The "I'm not shocked" face. (I heard that on a radio program one day, and thought it was one of the best nuggets of wisdom when relating to others, I had ever heard.) And as I sought to control my expression, I prayed. And I let Olivia speak. I listened. I asked questions. "Let me see a picture of this," I said. Before I knew it, our discussion had become a general discussion about looking at other's motivations and seeking to know their hearts, no matter what they appear to be doing on the outside.

Now, that is not where I wanted to go with that. I wanted to tell her exactly what the Bible says, chapter and verse. I wanted to plead with her about the dangers of "losing spiritual ground" and becoming desensitized to the laws that keep us safe. I wanted to put up those "Do Not Enter" signs and lock that door to keep her from going there. But God had wisdom for me to share with her. Wisdom that would help her to discern many future situations, not tell her to avoid this one -- or worse, leave her feeling it is unsafe to speak to me about anything. He gave me an opportunity to do that. A do-over.

I didn't have this kind of wisdom when my biological children were at home. I wasn't trusting the Lord and praying for my children as I should have been back then. Age, also, has made me a bit wiser; looking back over areas where I erred and working to correct those responses. I now have the time to seek parenting advice that I didn't always have when I was actually raising children full-time. And "stepmothering" allows me to be a friend and confidant, more than the neurotic, "everything is riding on me getting this right", legalistic authoritarian I thought I had to be years ago.

Olivia's mom does all the heavy lifting -- I know that -- but, I hope I can help take care of some of the light work. It is a privilege and a marvelous blessing to do so.

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