Wednesday, April 18, 2018

When Blessings Aren't Easy to Find

It is difficult to see some of the things we go through as blessings. In fact, I think it's one of those principles we, as believers, need to consciously practice. We have to purposely look for God's grace in bad situations; we have to intentionally say to ourselves, "God blessed me (this) way in this situation." Matthew Henry, Welsh theologian, practiced just such an outlook. Consider his words as he meditated on the theft of his wallet:
“Let me be thankful, first, because he never robbed me before; second, because although he took my purse, he did not take my life; third, because although he took all I possessed, it was not much; and fourth, because it was I who was robbed, not I who robbed."
All too often, we spend the time grumbling or trying to figure out how we're going to get out of the current trial that's plaguing us. "Bad" is what we call the things that don't go our way; things for which we see no immediate benefit. "Good" is what God begins doing as soon as we allow Him to get His hands on our situation -- and us!

Years ago, as Mom's health began to decline, I began overseeing her personal affairs. Mom's judgment was showing signs of impairment, but it was my intent to allow her to remain in her home as long as it was safe for her to do so. Time and again she allowed people to move in, destroy her home, and use her as personal valet. I understood her desire to help, but the situation would eventually deteriorate, she would get upset, and I would be forced to remove her sponging tenants. Repeat cycle. Not only was this time-consuming, frustrating, painful, and expensive, these were family members and friends I was forever being called upon to evict! I was thrust into the role of "bad guy" and my relationships were being affected.

Fast forward to today. I am no longer called upon to be "the enforcer", but I am still entrenched in the contradiction and duplicity that is dementia. As a matter of fact, one day as I was feeling particularly frustrated with my new role, I whined, "I would give anything to be kicking people out of Mom's house again, to be fighting that battle rather than the one in which I'm currently engaged." The truth was, I was longing more for a time when Mom's house was alive; when Mom was present most of the time, and knew how to dress and when to dress, and could choose for herself what she wanted to eat; when Mom had something of her own, and could see and understand her purpose.

But, God is good, and merciful to fools like me. As I was throwing my little tantrum He whispered, "And what did you think of your situation then?" Well, I didn't think much of it, that's for sure. I complained, and I barreled my way through each day, never taking the time to thank God for the things my situation was not: Me, traveling miles across country to help her. (Mom and I had been neighbors for years!) Or, Mom being seriously injured, or losing her home to fire during all that drama. And what of thanking God for all my situation was? Mom had me to help her; she never once had to go it alone. Scott was there through all of it; he changed locks and repaired damage for every time I was forced to intervene. Blessing after blessing in the midst of all that chaos.

And so, here we are. The daily chaos of fighting to remove the wrong clothes just to put the right ones on. Or keeping her out of the snacks the minute I turn my back. Or the perpetual struggle to keep her hydrated. Or her inappropriate comments in the waiting room of the doctor's office. Or the tissues and napkins that she hoards like a nesting squirrel (which seems to make their way through the wash cycle no matter how many pockets I check). Do my blessings come to mind as readily as my battles? Does my song of blessing last as long as my wail of complaint? Am I consciously, purposely thanking God for all He is doing -- and not allowing -- in  our circumstances? Have I fully turned things over to Him in anticipation of the good He will do?

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