Tuesday, July 7, 2015

For My Husband and Best Friend

Have you ever had a dream? Not the kind you have when you're sleeping, but a big dream; the kind that is so heavy on your soul you can't seem to shake it, you always keep coming back to it; like a fly buzzing at the window pane, it looks like where you want to go, there must be a way toward it. One day, you stop and really look at your life, and there's not a remnant of that dream left anywhere; nothing you have, nothing you are, nothing you see even remotely looks like your dream. It's then you realize just how much it truly meant to you.

I had such a dream. It was big. I'm not a dreamer by nature, or at least I didn't think I was. But looking back, I realize just how big, how much of a long shot this really was. I met someone who was wonderful, who swept me off my feet, I guess you could say. I trusted this person enough to dream with them, about them; to even dream their dream. But this person was only made of flesh and bone; this person was limited by the same things that limit the rest of us: time, health, strength, knowledge, resources, humanity. And each one of those things crept in one by one and stole our dream from us.

Today I looked at what we have, at what we have become. We are so far from the dream we had. But little by little our dream slipped away. No one was at fault; no one was slacking off, or got off track. No one forgot the dream or tried to dream another dream. "Life happened." Isn't that what they say? "Life happened." Not everyone in our dream shared our dream. Not everyone outside of our dream wanted to stay there. Not everyone in our dream stayed healthy or fit for the task. Not everyone inside our dream played by the rules.

When we dreamed our dream, I distinctly recall laughter, but the days I recall now bring me to tears. When we closed our eyes, we saw youth and dancing, but when I open them now I see pages falling from the calendar and adults who were once children. When we looked up at the stars and spoke into our future, there were fun-filled days and sweet, cozy nights; but my days can be lonely, and so can his nights. Our dream was healthy and strong and comfortable; but reality has dealt its share of damaging blows and what I see bears their mark.

But we are together, and we are as one. And if we never dream another dream, you are my dream come true.
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