Friday, July 4, 2014

Ten Ways a "Single" Girl Can Rock-Out on a Holiday:

 I've been "single" this holiday. Scott is on his way home from "JOMO." That's the lingo; it's Joplin, Missouri. And the kids are -- all over. So, to make the most of this holiday normally associated with family BBQs and hanging out at the beach with friends, I've developed a few traditions of my own. Maybe some will even take off!

1. Remove the wet, mangled, and very dead bird that Tinkerbell so proudly left for me on the patio. (For an old girl, she's still got it!)

 2. Go visit my new granddaughter and her mother! Here's a picture:

 3. Laugh at the joke -- "Hey, you sound awful! You gotta stop yellin' at the kids/ the husband/ concerts so much! Hehehe" -- fourteen more times.

 4. Eat a quart of ice cream because I miss my husband. (Don't judge me)

 5. Check the mail again, only to find I STILL haven't gotten paid. I know it's a holiday, but you never know when a neighbor might have accidentally gotten it in their mailbox, and on the way to their family BBQ, thought, "Here, let's swing by this lady's house and drop off the check I'm sure she's being anticipating." OK, nobody says that, and nobody's got my check, but I can dream, can't I?

 6. Write a rant about intolerant liberals who write inflammatory, untrue nonsense about Christians because we are intolerant and inflammatory hypocrites.

 7. Explain to the dogs, at least four more times, that we cannot walk today because the air quality is poor and Mommy is still not completely better yet. (I don't know why they don't get it.)

 8. Answer two or three calls from Russell Crowe. (A telemarketer who uses a local number and a bogus ID to trap you into answering. I can understand when Russell Crowe was hot, but he's a bit of a hasbeen now; I'm not sure he generates that big of a response. I only answer because my phone voice is worse than my "live" voice and it satisfies me to give something back to those folks who love to call when I'm in bed.)

 9. Wash the three dishes and the half load of laundry I have compiled living alone this week.

10. Plan dinner -- a bag of microwave popcorn or a big cup of iced coffee with a side of baked beans.

Oh, and here's a BONUS:
Go to bed early -- I mean earlier than senior citizens and newborns early, miss all the fireworks, and catch all the DUI checkpoints, for work on Saturday.


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