Thursday, July 3, 2014

Can You Hook Me Up with a Lyric or Two?

Remember this one?

Aah, yes. Anticipation. Today, my friends, I give you "Frustration":

Trying to get some rest. Mom calls.

"Ron is here." (The guy who cuts her grass) "He says you owe him more money." (I catch up with him periodically and we settle her bill, but she feels the need to call me each time and give me the same spiel)

"OK, Mom."

"Here, I'll let you talk to him." (Ron is hard of hearing)

"No, Mom! N-- Yeah, hi Ron."

After a one-sided conversation, with him very loudly and distinctly -- because apparently my inability to talk is accompanied by hearing loss -- repeating almost exactly what my mother said, he decides I have understood and hands the phone to my mother. I overhear their discussion.

"What did she say?"

"I don't know. She was whispering. I couldn't hear her."

"I told you!"



Then, there's this one:

I've sent multiple messages to Aetna Disability via their system; I have yet to receive a reply. Given my voice, or lack thereof, I'm reluctant to call, but I am two weeks behind in receiving a paycheck, and this guy "Bill" that lives with us doesn't like to wait.

"Aetna Disability, how may I help you?"

"We have a few problems. One, you overpaid me by two days. And, two, payroll will not pay me because you are still showing me on disability."

"You were on disability on the 4th--"

"No, my disability began on the 5th. I worked on the 4th."

"No. No you didn't."

"I put the time in myself! It was my last day of work before surgery. People were wishing me 'good luck.'"

"No. You didn't work."

"Well, there was someone who looked an awful lot like me, sitting at my desk, closing out my timecard and gathering up 'get well' wishes."

On to #2. "Payroll says you still had me on disability week ending 6/21."

"No, we didn't."

"Why would they say that?'

"I don't know, but we didn't."

"So, why did you pay me the Monday of that week, and the Monday of the following week if there wasn't something strange going on?"

"We did?"

"Yes, you did."

"Well, we need that check back."

"Obviously. And I need my week's pay."

"I can't help that. But we need that check back. I will email your boss and let him know that we did not have you on disability."

"He knows that. I was at work. He sat next to me. I need you to email Payroll and tell them I was not on disability."

"Oh, we don't do that."

I couldn't. I couldn't ask why. I knew it had something to do with celestial bodies and pig urine, and I just couldn't take it right at that moment. I did, however, get another phone call from Aetna today:

"Your claim representative says we overpaid you."

"Yes, I told her that."

"Well, we overpaid you in the amount of ___, and there are a few ways we can have you reimburse us. You could--"

"I didn't even get the check yet! I already told her I would not cash the check, but return it to you."

"Oh, she didn't tell me that."

"Yeah, it seems there's a lot she doesn't do. Thank you."

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