Thursday, May 1, 2014


My friend is dead.

People who say you never know how much you like someone until they are gone, aren't always right. Sometimes you know exactly how you feel about someone, but a whole bunch of other things -- most of which are unimportant -- get in the way.

You know you should be sitting somewhere talking to her, but you are Tweeting, and Pinning, and wondering why Instagram won't allow you to upload your picture. You know you should have invited him to your last barbecue, but you weren't sure where you put his number, and you know he doesn't like potato salad. You could have stopped over last week, but you were into much of a hurry to set the DVR.

Well, now my friend is gone. And I didn't stop when I drove past his house. And I haven't seen him at the place we go once a month, because I've been too busy to get there. And all I have left is his stupid voicemail wishing me a "happy birthday" the year before last. And I couldn't even go to his funeral today because I am so mad at myself, and so sad that he's gone, that I made myself sick and spent a good bit of the late morning in the bathroom. And I don't even know what to say to his wife. When everyone was posting things on his Facebook page, I didn't -- I couldn't find the words. I still can't. Not to tell you what he was like, or how much I'll miss him, or how I felt about him.

I can tell you how angry I am that I made things so complicated -- that we all make things so unnecessarily complicated.

"Well, I don't want to bother them if they're busy." "She might not even be there." "I have so much cleaning to do." "I just don't feel so good today."

Bother them! Check to see if she's there! Dust will always wait for you! Take an aspirin!! Why do we do this to ourselves? Why are we so lazy, complacent, wasteful?

 I drove almost an hour on my last day off. I went to see a cousin I am going to see again in a couple of months. At least, I think so. I don't want to take that chance again.

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