Sunday, March 16, 2014

Unmasking the Impostor

I am an impostor.

Right now, everyone thinks I am this loving mother with a tragic life: a son in prison, a "daughter-in-law" in rehab, and a granddaughter tragically and recklessly caught in the middle of all this. And while the facts of this are generally true, the presuppositions are not.

1) I am a loving mother, but I am a mother who has raised adult children. I did what I thought was my best until adulthood came calling, and my children became responsible for all of their decisions. I now do as much as I can when they allow me; anything other than that is pretty much off limits. I do not spend every waking moment sobbing or writing him long letters. I do smile, and laugh, and go to work every day, and enjoy time with the rest of my family. I go to see him, I endure the guards who speak to me as if I am a criminal, I put money on the phone so he can call (a concept I never thought I'd need to entertain), and I wish he was home. But I don't deny his foolishness or the circumstances in which it placed him.

2) I guess this is a tragedy, but I am a Christian. I try not to see things as tragedies, but as opportunities for God to work and claim what is due Him. I do not believe any situation is hopeless.

3) My "daughter-in-law" who is not really, is the mother of my granddaughter. I love her. I have never wanted anything but the best for her since the day I laid eyes on her. Initially, it was because she was involved with my son, but I have really grown to care for her, and she deserves better than she is willing to give herself. Once again, I have to respect her decision to make her life as she chooses; I am only equipped and authorized to pray. The presupposition might be that I am furious with her for luring my son down this path, or I am tormented by the image of my granddaughter in the care of some strung out street junkie. The truth is, my son has always been able to find his own way down crooked paths, and I will never accept my granddaughter's mother as hopeless or helpless (see #2). As for anything else, I am not thoroughly informed of her situation right now, so that is all I will say about that.

4) My granddaughter is stuck, in every sense of the word. She is the one I feel for most. Mom and Dad are of little, if no, help to her right now. I do not see her for fear of exacerbating the perverse and complicated situation, nor can I fight my son's battles for him. I will not cause my granddaughter to be used as fuel for an already raging fire by laying the groundwork for accusations and suspicions. I will not maintain a relationship so my son might piggyback his role as "sometimes" father, while Gramma does all the leg work. He is Dad, and I will allow him to man-up and assume his responsibilities. The presupposition might be that my heart breaks for this little peanut. The truth is that my heart is in the care of the Holy One of Israel, the Almighty God, and through prayer, the life of my granddaughter is as well.

Now that I have revealed my true identity, thank you all, so much for your prayers and phone calls. But your pity and head-shaking are for those without hope.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

1 Peter 1:3 (NIV)
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

Psalm 71:14 (NIV)
But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more

James 5:16b  
The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man
availeth much. 

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