Wednesday, September 11, 2013


Did you know we have a sister city?  Yeah, I know!  Who knew, right?  Well, we do.  In fact, we have a few, but it's this little one in Russia that seems to be causing all the flack.  It's a cute little town with a population just shy of Philly's.  It's name is Nizhny Novgorod, or Nizhny for short.

Now, here is the issue at hand.  Mayor Nutter is facing a bit of pressure to cut ties with our dear sister of 20 years because it seems she has banned homosexual literature.  Yep.  Does it get any worse than that?  One of our illustrious former mayors would have probably dropped a bomb on her by now, but that's another story for another day.  Anyhoo, certain factions are crusading to dump our disagreeable sister, and I couldn't agree more.  Here's my argument:

1) All free thinkers and rubes who have the gall to disagree with popular opinion need to be taught a lesson.

2) Separation of church and state (the current, popular translation - not the one that says the state needs to stay out of the church's business) is obviously the first step in separating sex and state.  If Mayor Nutter is called to task and cuts off Sister Russia, there can no longer be any issues amongst folks who wish to see the state recognize gay marriages -- once the state is out, it's out!

3) It's a wonderful thing to have the fifth largest city in America dictate how to run the fifth largest city in Russia.  Those poor, ignorant folks in Nizhny need our help!  Arrogance is always a good characteristic -- the rest of the world loves Americans for it!

4) Once Nizhny reaches our enlightened status, they can beg to be back in our good graces.  Who knows, maybe then they will have surpassed our enlightenment and can tell us how to run our city - sort of like Mother England did with the colonies back in the 1700's.

5) If Philly divorces our little sister over banning certain literature - in its own city - or over any other difference of opinion, that will give a whole new meaning to extortion.  You disagree?  I want a divorce.  You smoke within the confines of your own car?  Relinquish your driver's license.  You like mind-numbing reality TV?  Oh ok, you can stay.  But, you don't participate in casual Friday?  You're fired.  You don't speak Russian?  You are dead to me (or however they would say that in Nizhny Novgorod).  Everyone knows, the best way to woo someone to seeing things your way is to make ridiculous threats. 

6) Lastly, and this is the one I really want you to let hang there a moment...

Philadelphia public schools banned prayer and Bible reading 50 years ago.

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