Thursday, January 20, 2011

Best Service Call... EVER!

Verizon Employee:  How may I help you today?

Me:  On my most recent bill, it seems I was charged for an "adult feature," at 9:28PM on New Year's Day.

VE:  And no one purchased an adult feature on that day?

Me:  No one has purchased an adult feature on any day, and I'm sure on that day, at that time, I was probably sitting right in front of the TV, watching with my family -- it was New Year's Day!

VE:  Well, hang on a minute and let me see just who was bringing in the New Year like that!

(After some chit-chat, a couple of apologies for the wait, and a few "mmm...nope"s -- "Oh, looks like we got somethin' here")

Me:  Huh?!

VE:  Oh, yeah.  What time did you say?

Me: 9:28

VE:  Yep, 9:28.  Sure it is! Y'all rented the Wild Stallion.  How old are your girls?

Me: (laughing hysterically)  The Wild Stallion?  The Wild Stallion was the movie with that iCarly girl, the one about a wild stallion --

VE:  mm-huh

Me:  No, a real wild stallion!

VE: Y'all doin' the New Year up wild!  You just made my day!  I can't even cut off the call, I'm laughin' so hard...

(Much thanks to that courteous, personable Verizon operator who gave me a great laugh!)

Monday, January 17, 2011

A Priceless Lesson -- For Only Forty Bucks!

"One-o-Five," the teller mumbled under her breath. 

"One-o-five?" I thought, "I know it can't come to more than sixty-five or so."  I recalculated in my head as she handed me the envelope.  A quick glance told me there was more than sixty-five.  "If I don't actually look in the envelope, do I get a pass?" I wondered.

I walked out of the bank thinking how I could have used an extra forty bucks, wondering if they could have ever traced it back to my account and sadly, not feeling the least bit haughty about handing the extra cash back; I was too busy feeling crappy about considering the deception in the first place.

Why would I think of it?  God knows I heard her mumble.  God knows I glanced at least four twenties when she handed me that envelope.  Why would I worry about "man's" consequences before God's?  Why would I fear some sort of "financial karma" from God before I just simply sought to please Him?

Because I am human.  Because I am sinful.  Because my good deeds will never "earn" me a place at God's side, a blessing, another year of marriage, another dime, a healthy child...  Because God gives us the conviction of the Holy Spirit - in many different ways - out of love and understanding, out of His knowledge of who we are and who He is growing us to be.  Because I would place as many "reality checks" as I could in the paths of my children to keep them from erring, not because I fear their disobedience signals a lack of love for me, but because I love them.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Canine Economics

Capitalism:  Tinkerbell speaks, she gets a treat.  Bishop gives paw, he gets a treat.  Everybody wags.

Socialism:  Bishop chews his bone for hours before the marrow (the "best part," or so I am led to believe) is exposed.  Tinkerbell begs to go out.  I get up to open the door and Bishop of course, follows his leader, leaving behind his bone.  Left unguarded, Bishop's bone becomes Tinkerbell's, as she doubles back to take advantage of the fruits of his labor.  Tinkerbell wags.

Communism:  Tinkerbell and Bishop get treats.  Everybody wags.  They don't do tricks; they don't behave.  Eventually they learn they need to do little else but exist, in order to get a handout.  Tinkerbell and Bishop feel unfulfilled and underutilized.  They become bored; their minds turn to mush.  They pace, they bite, they go for a ride.  NOBODY wags!