Friday, September 2, 2011

Seven Days in Utopia

I am dying to see "Seven Days in Utopia!"  It opens today, and I intend to drag my family -- kicking and screaming, if they insist -- to see it.  I love Robert Duvall, and the thrill of seeing a "family movie" that has something other than malformed blue characters and talking animals delights me to no end!  Besides, I've always liked golf. 

Now, I'm not a golfer, but I have this ethereal sense of what it might be like to spend an entire afternoon peacefully strolling around the links, following a little white ball wherever it leads, warm sun on my shoulders, fresh air coursing through my body, and a carpet of perfect green cushioning my feet.  The golfers on TV always look so composed -- their creases crisp, their whites white.  Like a Tide commercial.  From what the guys at work tell me, it's nothing like that. 

In fact, the picture they paint is so anti-empyrean, it almost makes me think we're talking about two different pastimes.  Perhaps in the high-gloss, cherry wood, sound-deadened bowels of the country club locker room, men are taught to speak ill of the game they are so desperately drawn toward.  A brer rabbit sort of stratagem that leaves wives thinking their absentee husbands have gotten a rigorous aerobic workout, slogging through the gooey muck of water traps and fighting their way back from the soul-sucking sands of the underworld.  Then again, maybe golf wives know. 

Maybe they have their own agendum.  Maybe they enjoy the solace of a Myrtle Beach excursion...for him, and a few days shopping, reading, and spa-ing for them!  Maybe they like having a whole day to themselves, walking in and out of the bathroom just to see if the seat is still down!  Maybe they know 4-1/2 hours in the hot sun, throwing back Stellas (or, as the Brits call them: "wifebeaters") and frantically trying to place a willful little ball in a distant plastic cup can lessen a golfer's life expectancy and increase a widow's net worth. 

Hmmm...maybe middle aged men would be better off taking up cribbage or something a little less...shall we say, Utopian?


P.S.  This movie is rated "G."  Unfortunately, it is only playing at a limited number of theaters.  But, all kidding aside, I will be seeing it THIS WEEKEND.  So, I'll let you know...

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