Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Mission Accomplished

I really wanted to stay away from the whole Osama bin Laden thing; I get sick of hearing about the same thing day after day.  I really do.  There are just a few things, however, that I'd like to point out:

1)  Coverage of the royal wedding was at least a full two weeks long.  Would it have been so terrible of the Navy to have given a heads-up on the bin Laden takedown so the news media could provide proper coverage?  "So, Elton, will you be present at the assault?  And Becks, something in black with a plunging neckline?"  T-shirts could have been printed beforehand, Oprah could have had an audience member as a guest correspondent... "Well Oprah, it's a carnival-like atmosphere here today.  The crowd has started singing, 'Come out, come out, wherever you are.'  We think that any minute Osama bin Laden will appear from inside his compound.  Oh, and by the way Oprah, this compound was listed at one million dollars.  It has a salt water pool, high tech security system..."  (And why is it a house or a ranch or an estate, until someone is holed up there?  Then it's a "compound.")

2)  Have you ever noticed, even on COPS and The First 48, that the bad guys never make their beds?  Mother knows what she's talking about, kids.  If you expect to grow up and become a decent, contributing member of polite society, you must make your bed.  And Moms, if little Billy Bob's not making his or her bed I hate to tell you, but...  (And did you notice that list in some of the pictures of bin Laden's hideout?  See, you thought the creators of Batman came up with that one.  Unh-unh.  "Bad Guys 101."  Check it out in the SEALs handbook.)

3)  OK, and spontaneous celebrations in the streets?  I'm glad a deadly enemy of humanity has been eradicated -- whether that means arrested, killed (if necessary), dead of natural causes, whatever.  But is there something wrong with me that I did not take down the flag from the front porch, drape it over my shoulders and run through the library chanting, "USA, USA!"?  Not to be pessimistic, but I don't care what kind of evil it is, there's always enough to go around.  Does anyone really believe this is the end of terrorism, or hatred, or greed?  There need be only one sympathizer for radical ideology to germinate -- and trust me, when it comes to al-Qaeda there are plenty of degenerate sympathizers ready to assume bin Laden's role.  Besides, I think I'd be somewhat of a jerk, too, if I was surrounded by all that sand, had to wear bed sheets, and the best chips available were Magic Masala.  What's wrong with plain old Doritos?

4)  Lastly, major props to President Obama.  Just hours before taking out one of the FBI's Ten Most Wanted, he took out Donald trump as well -- ridiculing him with a challenge to prove the moon landing was faked, and to find Biggie and Tupac.  Not only can he finish the job of less popular former Presidents, but he can host the Tonight Show once he's out of office -- or tour with Charlie Sheen!  If Sheen starts to go all "Tiger Blood" on him, Obama can terminate him.  They can call it the "Barak and the Warlock Tour." 

Obama White House Correspondents Dinner
Post a Comment