Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Somebody Wanna Help Me Out Here?

In all seriousness, I have a question:  "Am I as bad as people say I am?"

I don't like hanging out with the girls. I don't like sitting around kibitzing about what someone else wore to last week's PTA meeting (Homeschoolers don't have a PTA, and if they did, I wouldn't go!) or discussing where to get the best eyebrow wax (I don't have eyebrows either; I'm 45, they were one of the first things to go.  Deal with it!)

Apparently, this makes me anti-social.

I HATE -- oh, was I too vague?  Let me clarify, H-A-A-A-T-E talking on the phone.  My ear sweats, I get a crick in my neck, and I usually get whatever disgusting goo I'm mixing in the kitchen all over the phone.  I also keep a very odd schedule.  So when you call me on Tuesday, don't expect a call back until Friday -- maybe.  Unless you need an immediate answer, in which case I will try to put aside my aversion to earsweat and call you back soon.  But just to chat?  If you didn't see my obit, I ain't dead; I will assume the same for you, and we'll chat when I see you.

Apparently, this makes me irresponsible and bitchy.

I don't email jokes, nor do I respond to email jokes I receive.  It's a joke!  If we were hanging out and you told me joke would you expect me to say, "Ha!Ha!Ha!" or make a face like one of those stupid emoticons?  Maybe you'd prefer I told you a joke you had heard twelve times in the office, just like most of the email jokes I get through interoffice email marked "For Business Use Only."  And Facebook, tweets, causes?  Weren't computers supposed to make our lives easier, enable us to "do the things we really wanted to do" with all the free time we'd have?  Judging by standards others believe I should maintain, I've always wanted to feed fake farm animals, air dirty laundry at alarming speeds, and verbally support non-violent schools in every state.  I have to ask, is there a cause for violent schools?

Apparently, this makes me lazy, bitter and snooty.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but what I'm hearing is:
Because my family is more important to me than any other individuals on the face of the earth, because I love to cook and clean for them, because I work part-time out of the home, help my husband with his business in our home, write, homeschool, walk my dogs once a day for exercise and spend the rest of my time in the Word (reading), around the Word (church and church groups), about the Word (practicing it by serving others)... I heed help.  
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