Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Just Parent!

I am arrogant, and judgemental.  I know this and have been praying about it.  I am learning to speak the truth in love, and when I can't, I ask God to keep my mouth shut.  Disclaimer aside, here goes...

Neither Scott nor I are "crowd surfers."  We don't get into the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, or harbor any burning desires to see and be seen.  In the last few weeks, however, weather being what it has -- beyond beautiful -- we have been out and about  enjoying various public events.  We have commented-- quite truthfully -- in annoyance, on parents who absolutely refuse to discipline their children.  How many times can you tell a five year old "I really mean it this time" before even she figures out, you don't really mean it at all?  Or how many times can you place your three year old in time-out, only to again become so engrossed in your phone conversation about your new diet, oblivious of his ingestion of deer pooh, before you figure out it's not working?  I am annoyed and perhaps, I am being judgemental, but I also wish to speak the truth in love - love for my children and the next generation of Americans they will attend college with, serve on school boards with, and marry.

Discipline.  Nothing wrong with it.  It keeps us from overeating.  It keeps us from getting too little rest or drinking too much.  It also keeps our children from growing up thinking there are no consequences for their actions. 

My son has been in and out of jail since he was 17.  He knows there are consequences; I taught him of consequences.  It is his arrogance and the insidious work of lawyers (and those who keep paying ridiculous monies for them) who allow him to test or escape those consequences.  I pray for his suffering.  Radical?  Inhumane?  I say, LOVE!  I want something big enough to hit him, big enough to drop him to his knees, big enough to compel him to cry out to God for forgiveness and grace, big enough to raise the quality of his life to something he never imagined.

What is this idea that we all have to feel happy, comfortable, content, loved, appreciated, and just plain positive all the time?  How is it that no one seems to be able to deal with bad feelings? or thinks that they don't deserve to feel bad?  What is this entitlement we are teaching our children -- and we are teaching them!  By not allowing them to feel the sting of guilt or shame, or their consequences, how can our children ever figure out how to make things right on their own?  How will our children ever know the satisfaction of a job genuinely done well if they receive praise for everything they do, rather than "suffer" the learning experience of failure?  Where will they develop their tenacity?  How can a child learn the redeeming value of an apology if we allow them to avoid offering one because of their embarrassment?

And what of parents?  When do we discipline ourselves to put down the cell phone, log off the computer, throw away "mother's little helper" and just parent?!  It's ironic to me that my generation grew up despising parents for their addictions -- prescription drugs, alcohol -- all those things we watched our parents do to escape the pressures of jobs, war, parenting, divorce.  And now?  Some of the addictions have changed, but an addiction by any other name...  We all need "me time" -- whether you soak in a bath, work in your woodshop, or read your Bible.  Perhaps there needs to be some creative scheduling if your "me time" is watching "Burn Notice" while your eight year old tests explosives in the laundry sink. 

Sunday, October 17, 2010

HILLSIDE FARM HARVEST FESTIVAL

Fall.  Beautiful weather.  A county full of fabulous things to do.  Today we left it to a vote.  And I lost.  Another car show.  Another fall festival.  Really not a loss -- time with my best friend and our bubbly, beautiful ladies -- however...

Not much to say about the car show.  The ladies like the paint; they live to play the punch-buggy game.  But beyond that, they can cover Carlisle in fifteen minutes or less.  Scott and I have learned to be quick about it.

The fall festival...  I know they say (whoever "they" are) that you make your own fun, but let's face it, some events can use life support.  Six cars in the lot, near gale-force winds, and twice as may empty tables than cars in the lot.  Uh-oh.  Five to twenty dollar donation?  For...?  No food for another thirty minutes -- leaving us plenty of time to...?  It wasn't looking good, folks.

Well, let me tell you -- a few bales of hay, a little face paint, and you've got yourself a party!  No really. 

"For the girls' sake" I gave it a go, and pointed them toward the first craft table with a forced "Hey, look at this!  You wanna make a pumpkin?"  Madison's sarcasm is flawless for a soon-to-be ten year old.  But Olivia was already in the chair.  That's my girl!  It wasn't long before Maddy was sucked in.  The girls decorated these adorable pumpkins using products from the farm -- a "parent-approved" foray into playing with your food.  Things were looking up!  Next were the corn husk dolls, a suggestion met with suffocating silence.  Medic! 

While Daddy stowed our food art in the truck, we checked the lay of the land.  A scavenger hunt?  Really?  Well, I'm all for scavenger hunts, but the kind that involve school mascots, road signs and pictures taken in funeral homes.  (What can I say?  I'm a derelict at heart.)  I didn't think it would fly.  Turns out, the scavenger hunt was perfectly easy, but contained enough items to make it last longer than a yawn.  The guy who passed out the necessary accoutrements was pleasant and enthusiastic without being plastic -- just enough to draw the ladies in.  Bonus!  It was a great way for them to think a little about farming, and look at things they take for granted, in a whole new way.  And prizes!  Popcorn on the cob -- another fun lesson for later!

Face painting -- FREE! (music to my ears)  Freshly pressed apple cider -- delicious!  and FREE!  Butternut squash soup, two types of salad with fresh (not grocery store "fresh") greens, roasted mushroom soup, muffins, desserts, a radish "bruschetta" -- food worth the wait!!  Top it off with a hayride that was better than any other -- thanks to a wonderful host (and, I'm told, quilt maker) with a slightly warped sense of humor.  Activities were in full swing as we left, and the place was getting packed.  As we bade farewell, I stopped and readjusted our donation in an attempt to measure up to the fun we had.  I can't say enough about it, but Hillside Farms Harvest Festival was slammin'! And...



truly the best loss I've "suffered" in a long time!