Wednesday, April 7, 2010

My Dogs Listen Better Than My Husband... Sort Of

After three "get downs" and one or more mostly idle threats, they hit the floor.  Certain things I do throughout my day serve as clues, intended or otherwise, for our dogs that now, this very instant is a perfect time to beg for treats, beg for a walk, catch a scratch.  Sitting down gives them license to solicit some lovin'.  The squeak of my chair as I back away from my desk indicates I am on the move, possibly to the refrigerator, and it would be in their best interest to follow.  The snapping shut of the little plastic legs on the underside of my computer keyboard signal I am closing up shop, at least for a little while, and it could be a wondeful time for a walk!  Tossing around in bed in the early morning tells Bishop, it's almost "awake time," or at the very least, time for a trip outside; Belle who generally sleeps through the night with no bathroom breaks, knows when the lock on the back door clicks into place, it would behoove her to trot on down to the kitchen so she too, can snag a post-potty treat. 

In addition to "green lights," they also know when their chances are slim; this is where they fare better than my husband.  They know Mom doesn't slide any table food their way, at the table or otherwise.  They know when I open the refrigerator, they'd better be a good three freet away, because if I catch them with their noses in it they're gonna get thunked.  And rough house?  Not in Mom's vocabulary.  Walks take place on the short leashes -- nobody gets full throttle here.

Scott could do with a lesson or two from these guys.  For instance, Mom heading to her wallet DOES NOT necessarily indicate she is ordering pizza, or buying Dad a tool, or forking over cold hard cash; it may, however indicate, she is going to the store to buy yet another gallon of milk.  Mom bending over to pick something up does mean she dropped a sock; it does not mean, well, you know.  Mom goes to the basement to do laundry, not to grab corn chips from the pantry when Dad has just had two Oreo Cakesters and half a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips.  Grocery shopping with Mom means buying food, not taking advantage of every sale on Breyer's and Ellio's pizza they've got going.

Does anyone have a number for the Husband Whisperer?
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