Saturday, January 16, 2010

Putting Away the Cheetos and the Self-Pity

I want to begin by saying, I in no way compare myself to Our Heavenly Father!  But, sometimes the lessons He teaches us about who He is and who we can be, hit very close to home.  Having said that...

Steven had a preliminary trial on Thursday morning.  I left the courtroom so enraged, disappointed, and bewildered, my first instinct was to come home and write a Letter to the Editor.  Or a book.  Or an entry for this blog.  Something, just write something.  Purge.  I crawled into bed and stayed there until yesterday morning.  I didn't speak of it.  I didn't think of it. 

One of the issues I had been wrestling with, was the issue of "losing my son."  I was told nothing.  The people who were supposed to be supporting me, communicating with me -- failed me.  The "other side," no doubt was laughing at me.  And my son was gone.  I don't know if he is incarcerated.  I don't know if he is homeless or hurting, or seeking to get in touch with "the victim" in this case.  I don't know, but here is a child -- my child -- who made me construction paper valentines, held my hand as we drove along in the car, kissed me "goodbye" as I dropped him off to work, who has thumbed his nose at everything I tried to teach him, and I can't even reach out to him.

This morning, I saw the picture that God had painted for me in my a sadness:  "There is nothing new under the sun."  (Ecclesiastes 1:9)  Now, the author of this poem had found all that humanity contrived was pointless, vain , and "old hat."  Today's "New Age" religions are just ancient ideas recycled by humanity; most writing is just a new twist on an old tale.  And while we can read Ecclesiastes and feel disappointment and contempt for the things of this world, we can rejoice for the victory we receive at the hands of Our Father in Heaven.  We can delight in the fact that He is not "of our world."  Do you think my situation is the first of its kind?  Do you think the feelings evoked have never been felt?  I don't think I need to mention that my very own Father knows the grief of losing a son.  I'm pretty sure He did not crack open a bag of Cheetos and watch back-to-back episodes of "Law and Order."  And the children who have turned their backs on Him?

I am not alone, have never been alone, will never be alone!  I have been betrayed by man's system and man's actions.  Nothing new; been going on for thousands of years.  But God?  God is faithful, God is in control, and the one I always seem to forget... God is love
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