What Good Is a Memory?

"The Forgotten Battle", he said. "Remember that title."

"I'm putting it in my phone."

"We can watch it tomorrow." He countered with a tone that said, "No need for that, just remember it."

Now, I'm not saying we are getting older, but he gets halfway to the kitchen and can't remember why he's going there; I start a sentence and one small interruption, distracts me from what I was saying. We're human; our faculties glitch and wear. If only we could purchase a few more terabytes of storage. 

Then there are those things we prioritize of our own volition. Does my brain need to retain last week's shopping list? No. DELETED! Do I need to recall the phone number of my childhood home? No. DELETED! Do I need to remember the names of our grandchildren? Ab-so-lutely! STORED INDEFINITELY! 💕 Those are some pretty obvious choices --at least, for the grandmothers among us. But how often do we mess that up? How often do we wrongly prioritize or fail to see the value of something. Not long ago, I ripped up a reimbursement check. It was stuck to the back of some junk mail. If you've ever tried to get someone, particularly a large entity, to reissue a check, you know what a fiasco that can be. Obviously, I knew the value, I just wasn't paying attention; I wasn't looking for something of value among the clutter of things addressed to "RESIDENT." 

Scripture tells us there is nothing new under the sun. God's people, Israel had a memory glitch as well. Psalm 106 tells us again and again, "They forgot." Verse 7 in The Complete Jewish Bible says, they "failed to grasp the meaning of your wonders." Their human system of purging and retaining what was important was flawed. They didn't understand the significance and therefore, filed God's wonders under "Low Priority." When their judgment wasn't flawed, it was outright rebellious. Verses 13 & 14:

They soon forgot His works;
They did not wait for His counsel,
But lusted exceedingly in the wilderness,
And tested God in the desert.

The word translated "forgot" also means to ignore, to cease to care. This was not a case of aging equipment: they didn't even try. No putting it in their phones or tying strings around their finger or retelling of it to younger generations. And as a result, they fell away, followed their feelings, envied, crafted their own idols, griped, sacrificed their children, and suffered God's wrath. 

What good is a memory? The Bible is chock full of memories from cover to cover! The history of the past becomes the wise counsel of today. Memory holds us firmly in place when the storms of life come. What has God said? What has God done? Memory keeps us on our knees in reverence and brokenness as we recall who God has revealed Himself to be. Memory bathes our spirits in comfort and assurance when the way is grievous. Memory boosts our stamina when the way seems long. And it is my earnest prayer that when I am old(er) and gray(er), though my mind may crumble and memories fly like dust to the wind, though I may recall nothing else, what is indelibly imprinted on my soul is God's purest hesed for me and my unwavering devotion to Him.  

    

Midweek: On Great Waters

Those who go down to the sea in ships,
Who do business on great waters,
They see the works of the Lord,
And His wonders in the deep.

~ Psalm 103:23, 24

The privilege to see --perhaps even, the ability to see my Savior at work, comes with being in peril.

Does that sound radical to you? a little crazy? It might just be but read The Beatitudes some time. They turn the customs and tenets of this world completely on their head. Likewise, the truth that trouble when placed in the hand of a faithful and sovereign Deliverer is a blessing, a gift, a privilege.

How can we see the Great Physician at work if we or our loved ones are never ill? How can we learn to pray mighty prayers if we are given no reason to do so? How do we learn to be grateful in every circumstance if, in every situation we encounter, gratitude is a natural reaction? How do we see the depth of God's provision if we believe our sustenance comes from any other source? How does our faith increase if we never experience the unknown? How do we learn to suffer well if we never suffer at all? How do we grieve with hope if we never have cause to grieve?

We endure these things --not as victims, for we are more than conquerors! And as we endure, we are witnesses. We see firsthand what others throughout history --biblical history included --have seen. We gain a front row seat to the character of God, to His power, to His will being done --despite the ugliest of circumstances --on earth as it is in heaven. As those who venture out onto the deep, with little to buffer us but a flesh and bone vessel which is itself wind-whipped and wave-driven, we bear witness to the perfecting activity of our Father and Creator in all exploits --terrifying and terrific --for His glory and our good.

Thanks be to God whose love can never be separated from His people! 

You Can't Control It and You Shouldn't Try

Retirement has not been what I expected. It has been busier and livelier without my industry than I ever anticipated. As a result, I don't have time to explore those questions from Scripture that have picked at me so. One such question is with regard to Noah and Abraham. Both were forewarned of an impending doom; Noah, the entire earth, and Abraham, two cities. Abraham went to bat for those cities, pleading with God that, if there were to be found ten righteous men, God would not destroy them. Noah did; according to all that God commanded him, so he did. That's what Scripture says. No pleading, no bargaining; Noah obeyed without, so it seems, putting forth any effort to stop the course of God's judgment. Why the difference? And what does that teach us? As I said, I've not had opportunity to really examine either of the accounts with answers to those questions in mind, but I can tell you what I've been learning.

Sometimes, human beings can stay in grief. Sometimes, human beings can choose to fixate on the sickness. Sometimes human beings can lock eyes with whatever disaster has befallen them and remain there. None of that is good. But, in my humble opinion, the greatest victory one can hand the enemy is believing we possess some sort of control over outcomes. While adversity comes upon us, upending our lives for a time and, in some cases, causing us to never realize the good God wishes to work in and through us, the need for control paralyzes us even before the trouble comes. It leaves us exactly where we are, unwilling to let go long enough to learn or do anything. I can't let my adult children fail. I can't bear to see the shelter close. I can't lose my mom. I can't let someone else have the position I've worked to get. I can't allow the bill to go unpaid. But what if you could? What if you did?

Noah said, Okay, and grabbed a hammer. And, while Abraham chose more preventive means, his bottom line was, If this condition does not exist, Thy will be done. Even the Apostle Paul, suffering from "a thorn in his side," prayed three times for God to remove it; when his request was denied, he moved on. So be it. 

So many things go wrong without warning, and what do we do? Go through it. When trouble descends suddenly, we trust God. We fall on our faces, call our prayer warriors, fast, open our Bibles; we supercharge our spiritual lives. But what of those troubles that creep? Like an approaching storm, we see them coming, and we begin our work. We manipulate, reschedule, and solicit information from every corner of the internet. We take a job we weren't told to take, babysit an adult we should surrender to prayer, worry and exchange our joy for some version of disciplined religiosity that will help us curry favor with the God who controls everything. We say and do anything to keep alive an entity or relationship God wants gone (at least for a time). Perhaps the greatest gift God can give us is the blindsided nature of tragedy; perhaps the greatest test is the subtle creeping in of difficulty. Will we allow God to do what it is He is wanting to do? Will we allow God to be God, and still worship Him anyway? Will we surrender our agenda that God might bring triumph from tragedy? Are we willing to step aside and cede the control we never had for the glory God wishes to give?

Photo Courtesy Rich Harmon

Tough Love

A friend of mine was just telling me about a terrible situation with her adult child. It escalated, and the police were called. My friend refused to allow this adult child back into the home --at least, for that night. Before leaving, an officer confronted my friend, dropping on her a steaming pile of condemnation. A difficult decision was made more difficult by the judgment of an outsider. And, while I concede there may have been experiential knowledge he attempted to share, it came out in the form of reproach. So, today I want to encourage those who are wrestling with, praying about, agonizing over the life of a reprobate adult child. Don't follow your heart, don't spend days pouring over parenting books or YouTube videos. Simply, "Love your neighbor as yourself." 

"Don't we show ourselves tough love from time to time? Don't we give ourselves a good talking to?" my friend asked as she continued. "Why do people think we are wrong if we do that with our adult children?" She is absolutely right. We love ourselves in a way that demonstrates self-care and self-discipline. We know there is danger in allowing ourselves to act exclusively for comfort or convenience. We establish boundaries, particularly in areas where we have struggled with addiction. We know being undisciplined is not good for us or anyone we are commissioned to serve. Tough self-love benefits others as well. But when it comes to our children...? "Love your neighbor as yourself." If you wouldn't allow yourself to act that way in your home, why are we allowing other adults --adults who refuse to moderate their behavior out of respect for others --why are we allowing these adults to do that?

We set boundaries for a four-year old. No, you may not have another cookie before dinner. We set boundaries for our thirteen-year old. That's enough screen time for today. Why are we so reluctant to do that with our twenty-year old? Our thirty-year old? Do we love them less? I certainly hope that's not the case! Maybe we just fear them more. As our children age, they become more autonomous, less easy to control. If our four-year old objects to our decision, he stomps off in a huff. Moments later, he comes back with a broken toy in hand. Daddy, can you fix this? A thirteen-year old slams the door of her room and pops in her earbuds, losing her frustration in music. Two hours later, she appears ready to apologize and put her laundry away as instructed. But our adult child? He has bigger consequences should he continue to live his life in this manner. What if he kills someone with his drinking and driving? What if she overdoses? What if he gets caught? Are we that afraid of consequences, we refuse to love? Are we so inclined to control, we forego selflessness? Are we so earthly-minded, we cannot trust God to work in that child's life as He plans? 

Maybe it has less to do with God's work in our child and more to do with the work we have invested in our child. What if she tells people we asked her to leave? What if people find out we gave him an ultimatum? Far be it for anyone to think all of our hard work failed, that our child chose her own way against our principles. Maintain the Everything's okay facade even if it means intolerable conditions within our home and the enabling of our child. Maybe we've convinced ourselves we are that essential to our child's salvation. If she goes to live with her boyfriend, she'll never hear the Gospel. Maybe we're too afraid of the unknown. If he never comes back, I won't know if he's dead or alive. Control through indulgence rather than love with boundaries.

Whatever the reason, we have to be willing to love our neighbor --our adult children, God's children --as ourselves. And this is where it gets back to showing ourselves some tough love. Asking ourselves some questions with some very difficult answers. How is this benefitting them? Or, let's be honest, is this more about benefitting ourselves? What is this doing for those who are watching? What does this say about the God we trust? How does this glorify Him? Do we spend more time praying for them, or centering our thoughts, our plans, our activities around them --maybe even cleaning up after them or bailing them out of their consequences?

And for those who feel compelled to judge parents attempting to lovingly discipline adult children, kindly keep your opinions to yourselves or provide biblical support. Sorry to be so tough.

Photo courtesy Steven Ganski, Jr.